Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Past Haunts

I woke up to an anxiety attack this morning
So I might nit be my usual chipper self.
Just something else to add to the ever growing pile of bad stuff happening to me these 2 weeks.

I had a nightmare about my ex, the one that abused me, and woke up scared. I always feel that dreams mean something but...this is different. At first it was just a weird dream, he was opening up for my friend Revrin's band, Nightfalls, with his own band. Then it got weirder, I could see through his eyes and he was looking at old kinky pictures of me.

I woke up with Sir's alarm before it could get worse thankfully but confused. Why would I dream of him when I haven't even thought of him in a very long time...
Then I found out.

He e-mailed me last night.
2 e-mails.
1 threatening my little brother, Synn
2 talking about how he is in bad shape due to his diabetes.

I started to hyperventilate. So I called Sir Phryxus and he talked me down. He almost came home but I told him to go on to work.
I called Synn but no's still pretty early so I'm sure its just he hasn't woken up yet.
I'm almost betting the issue is my ex joined the kinkster group that Synn is part of and my loving brother has warned quite a few people of my ex's abusive nature.

The second part is his fucked up sociopathic passive aggressive attempt to make me feel bad for him. One of the ways he kept me with him for so long was talking about his health, how he was dying, etc. Its all from diabetes, well, I believe there is a cure for diabetes and a lot of his issues is he really doesn't give a shit about himself enough to be healthy.


So this is not a good way to be starting my day.
I now feel like crap but am afraid to go back to sleep and continue the dream I had.
I just want that bastard out of my life but he keeps finding ways to try and worm his way back in.

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