I was Roofied

Sorry, no witty title today. Plain and Simple, I was roofied.

Last night I went to the Silver Fox Inn with my husband and girlfriend to celebrate the number of nice things that have happened to us this month including my girlfriend passing her Roller Derby assessments from Fresh Meat into Rookie and Sir's getting a job that will pay for him to go to school for certification.
I don't remember much but from what I was told we were having a great time, and I had made the statement that I was having a lot of fun because we hadn't been out on a date in so long.

I hadn't been drinking. I did order a Guiness but after a couple of sips I decided on a ginger ale instead with my burger. I didn't think about my ginger ale being behind me while I watched Sir and Pup play pool. It wasn't an alcoholic drink so I figured naively that no one would bother it.
I was wrong.

I started to feel queasy and a little dizzy. At first I wondered if I had somehow eaten something I was allergic to. Then my tongue began to go numb and I felt out-of-it and tired.
It was the blunt honesty that I have with Sir that saved me. I told him how I felt and he recognized the signs immediately from the days he was a bouncer and an EMT.

The rest of this telling is what was relayed to me as I do not remember.
Once in the car Damon checked my eyes and the dilation was off. He then instructed Pup to keep me awake while he ran to the store and then took us home. He carried me up the 3 flights of stairs to our apartment, changed my clothes, and kept to the arduous task of keeping me awake for the next few hours to ensure that I wouldn't fall asleep and either 1. choke on my own vomit or 2. not be able to wake up...

What I do remember after that is waking up on the couch to Sir and Pup watching over me and telling them how tired I was. I honestly thought I had suffered some sort of allergic reaction to food or food poisoning and taken a benadryl and just didn't remember passing out on the couch. I asked Pup how work went and later learned that me asking and continuing a conversation we'd had 6 hours prior scared her badly.

I told Sir how tired I was and after he made me drink some water, he took me to bed. It wasn't until he woke me up because he was holding me so tight it was uncomfortable that I knew something was very wrong.
Finally he told me I had been roofied and I slowly pieced my night back together.
Sir blamed himself. He said as my husband and Dom he should have been more aware of my safety.
I blamed myself, I should have been smart enough to watch my drink.
My dear friend Leeanne pointed out the falacy in these beliefs. Its the fault of asshole who drugged me. I shouldn't HAVE to watch my drink. I shouldn't HAVE to be worried about being drugged.

I thought as a married woman, with people she was openly and obviously in a relationship with, and not drinking alcohol, I was safe. I wasn't
Sir explained that he had seen it happen many times that some people put drugs in other people's drinks because they think its funny to watch them afterward - not necessarily to date rape them.

I share this story because its scary to know someone is out there doing this to another woman...or man.

The following is an article for teens, but it pertains to all people. I wasn't date-raped but I do sympathize with one of the girls interviewed, Jada, who was drinking water and thought because it wasn't an alcoholic beverage there was no need to watch it.
What it Feels Like to be Drugged

My plea to all people going out - be careful. Watch your drinks, watch your friends - be clear of the warning signs of someone who has been drugged. That's what kept me from getting hurt is the care and awareness of my loved ones.

P.s. Roofie jokes are no longer funny

My First Toy Buy - Advice

I've been seeing a lot of posts online asking about what people would recommend for a first toy, what your favorite toy is, what is the best toy for a couple, etc.
So many questions and when asked together, I liked to focus in on the first part - the toys recommended for a first time sex toy buyer.

What Gets You Off?
One of the biggest questions when it comes to buying a toy is being honest with yourself about what really gets you off? What makes you orgasm?
Do you prefer clitoral stimulation? Does it take a light touch or do you need it rough? Does it take a long time or are you quick to come?
Do you need penetration? Do you prefer girth or length or do you need both? Does too much texture make you uncomfortable or do you like ridges?
Are you in tune with your body?
Do you get uncomfortable when considering keeping something overtly sexual in the house or is kinky, raunchy, yumminess ok with you?

If you need penetration but the idea of keeping something that looks like a disembodied dick laying around the bedroom makes you squirm you might want to look at something a little more inconspicuous.
Same with if you need clitoral stimulation but it only takes a light brush to get you going, a really strong vibrator might not be the most comfortable.

I know it's a lot to think about, however, the answers to these questions will help you dial into what toy is most likely to make your body sing.


Quality
Once you figure out what gets you off, safety and quality are the next things to consider.
There are certain materials that are safer than others. The safest materials include silicone, stainless steel, polymer coated wood, pthalate-free plastic, etc. The grading of safety for sex toys is based on a few properties of the material. These properties including chemicals in the material, how porous it is, and sterility or ability to clean it thoroughly and easily.

Chemicals such as pthalates in materials are good to avoid as they are potential carcinogens, which can cause cancer. When it comes to chemicals like this, it is better safe than sorry.
How porous the material is effects whether or not it can be thoroughly cleaned and if the material will hold onto bacteria. Porous materials include rubber, fabric like leather and nylon, and similar. Non-porous materials include glass, stainless steel, and
Sterilizing toys is important, especially if the toy is going to be shared between people or if it will be used both vaginally and anally. Some toys, like jelly, cannot be sterilized without being destroyed so if it is going to shared a condom must be used.

Quality isn't just about the toys but also about the store they are purchased from.
Some stores are known for their quality not only in product but also in pricing, shipping and customer care.
Online stores that are easy to navigate, offer information about the toys and brands that they sell, have customer reviews available, and quickly answer customer questions by e-mail or chat are good indicators of a great store. Also, if you are living with others or simply don't want the mail man knowing what you've ordered, avoiding stores that do not offer discrete shipping is a must.
The same goes for offline stores in their customer care and appearance. If the store feels sleazy  the workers are obviously uncared or if they simply seem to have no knowledge at all of the products, it will create an uncomfortable shopping environment that doesn't appeal to the customer's needs.

Technology
Buying your first toy in the age of technology can be a little overwhelming, especially if you're not technologically inclined. My best advice is when perusing the world of toys with buttons, cords or cordless, accessories and more is the KISS method, Keep It Simple Stupid.
When choosing a first toy, it might be best to go with a simple bullet rather than a Hitachi wand all of its attachables.  Too much going on with a toy can make for a frustrating time when all you want to do is relax and get off.

Budget
After figuring out what sort of toy you are after and have found options made with body-safe materials, money comes into play. Toys can range from $5 to $200 depending on brand, material, technology, and more.
When starting out, I would recommend keeping your budget low until you have pinpointed what you like then splurging for a larger buy when you've become a more seasoned sex toy buyer.

My Recommendations
Disclaimer for Recommendations:
The following toys are almost exclusively chosen for women. This is because I am a woman and have very little knowledge of men's toys and what would be recommended at the beginning stages of buying toys.
Also, if a toy you are looking at is not on this list, that does not mean that it is not a good buy for you. All choices for this recommendation are colored greatly by my own opinion.
The following toys are from Eden Fantasys, a store that offers discreet shipping, great customer service, and in-depth reviews.

Dildos
The Sweet Candy Cane is a smooth, glass dildo with a fun shape that will not look overtly sexual on your night stand. This glass dildo falls into the lower price bracket at $25.
Riley is a silicone dildo that is slender for those who aren't ready for much girth but a curved, bulbous head that is perfect for G-spot stimulation. This one has a medium price range of $45.
Classic Aluminum, while more expensive than the other insertables mentioned here, is on the cheaper end of the price range when it comes to metal toys at $90. The smooth body with graduating curves is a great way to figure out how you feel about texture in dildo shape.

Vibrators
When it comes to a basic bullet vibrator, my favorite is the Tantus Original Bullet Vibe. It is a strong vibrator with very little noise and small enough to store anywhere secretly. It is also easy on the budget at $25
The Doc Johnson Janine vibrator is a larger vibe that can be used easily as an insertable as well as for clitoral stimulation. My girlfriend enjoys this vibrator a great deal and is her go-to for multiple orgasms. This vibe is also very low on the price scale at $11
The Nestlin Bunny is a great choice for a rabbit vibe in that it is can easily conform to your insertion needs as well as still holds true to the traditional rabbit look and strength. It is a little higher on the price range at $28.

Anal Toys
The Crystal premium small plug is a glass butt plug is tiny and light weight which is perfect for beginners. The cost of this starting point is also small at $17.
The Silicone X-10 anal beads are made with body-safe silicone and graduate from tiny beads to large 3 inch balls. The handle is also perfect for removal. The price range is also great at $12.

Ask House Phryxus

I’ve been getting some legitimate questions lately and I thought I would share a few on here because they’re questions some of us might be too embarrassed to ask otherwise.

Disclaimer: I answered these questions with my opinion. I am not a medical professional. My answers are not meant to diagnose or cure any ailment or issue. I cannot be held responsible if you take my opinion as medical or psychological fact or treatment.

Dear Lady Phryxus,

My husband has recently talked me into trying out anal sex. I enjoy it, not as much as vaginal, but its ok. Afterwards, however, I tend to have a bit of a problem of going to the bathroom too easily or leaking.

We use Anal Ease in order for me to be able to handle anal sex. Are we simply using too much or is there something else I should do?

Thanks,

Newb

Dear Newb,

Thanks for asking this question. I know a lot of us get embarrassed about this sort of thing but its something that, since no one talks about, gets pushed under the rug and causes some problems later on.

I do want to talk about the use of Anal Ease and like products. I’ve heard sooooo many bad things about this product that I usually tell someone I know is using it to stop all together. And yes, this could be causing the leakage afterwards as its not allowing your anus muscles to tighten when needed.

What I do recommend is a 2 part process.

First, to prevent a “mess” during or after anal sex I recommend an enema.

Some people see the word enema and freak out a lil. The E-word doesn’t have to be this big process. Sure, its very cleansing and good for you to do a full enema with a 1-4 quart bag BUT not necessary for something like anal sex. Go to the drug store and in the isle with the condoms and lube and douches you’ll see an enema kit in a small box. This contains a squeeze bottle and usually a few disposable lids. These hold a small amount of water and will only clean the lowest part of your colon. Nothing too scary there.

Plus, if you like enemas and you and your partner are into medical play, this could become part of your role-play.

The second part is, instead of using Anal Ease or some sort of relaxant, simply use a natural, organic lube or a lube that won’t destroy a condom or dildo. My hubs and I use coconut oil (but be careful not to get the coconut oil in your vagina to prevent a yeast infection).

I know that Anal Ease and like products relax your muscles back there and makes it easier for the initial thrust. However, once he’s in  there and starts moving around slowly, you’ll soon get used to the feel and won’t need Anal Ease. Let the lube and the natural feel of anal sex do the work instead.

I hope this helps!

XOXO

Lady Phryxus

More about Anal?
Check out my review of the Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Kit