Thursday, January 10, 2013

Sexpert Schedule Updates

Some more updates for Be A Sex Educator as their Erotic Educator Liason (last post HERE).

Again, if you're an expert with Kink Academy or PassionateU and you don't see your name on or an event you're attending on my posts, please e-mail me at nekomimiloli (at) yahoo (dot) com. I'd be more than happy to post about it here on House Phryxus with related links.

Also, I was telling SirPhryxus that I felt a little like a stalker looking for updates like this and he said "Sounds like Journalism to me" At first i defended my pseudo-stalker title then thought about the implications of journalism and stalking...it was a fun topic.

Antonia Aerie – Will be attending
Thursday, July 04, 2013 – Sunday, July 07, 2013 TES Fest 2013 @ Piscataway, NJ

Will be helping organize the following events
Saturday, January 26, 2013 BLP's James Bondage Play Party @ FetFest Playspace, Baltimore, MD
Friday, May 10, 2013 – Monday, May 13, 2013 FetFest Con @ The Poconos, PA. Mt Pocono, PA.
Friday, August 30, 2013 – Monday, September 02, 2013 FetFest @ Northern Maryland, Aberdeen, MD
Will be Attending the following events
Saturday, January 12, 2013 FetFest Play Party & Reverse Munch @ FetFest Playspace, Baltimore, MD
Friday, January 18, 2013 The Kraken's Lair Jan 18 2013
Friday, February 01, 2013 – Sunday, February 03, 2013 Winter Wickedness 2013

Will be at the traveling Four-Play (the ongoing collaborative, traveling, Queer, Trans and MULTI-RACIAL or POC- ONLY play party) at the following locations in 2013
* Toronto, January 11, 2013
* San Francisco, February 2013 (date TBA)
*Austin, Texas, date TBA

Makael Newby will be teaching at Portland OR
January 17, 2013 at 7:30 PM            Creative Cunnilingus
March 21, 2013 at 7:30 PM               Full-Bodied Fellatio

PanterhProwls – Will be Attending
BOLD 2013 February 22 - 24, 2013 @ Burbank, California  
SIN IN THE CITY March 01 - 03, 2013 @ Las Vegas, Nevada
LEATHER AND LEIS 2013  March 29 - April 02, 3013 @ Hawaii

Paul Rulof – Will be at
Chicago Age Players Con 2013 : April 19th – 21st
Beat me in St. Louis 2013 Friday, March 15 – Sunday, March 17
BEYOND LEATHER 6 April 4-7, 2013 Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Sara Vibes – Will be attending
AVN AEE Weekend @ The Hard Rock Las Vegas Hotel, Jan 16th-20th
CineKink NYC  Feb 26 – Mar 3, 2013 New York City, USA

Miss Savannah Sly – Will be attending
Feb 15 - 18 - Washington DC for Dark Odyssey Winter Fire
Suspension Bondage From The Ground Up Saturday, February 23, 2013 @ Om Cultural Center 2210 Pacific St

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

From Online to Offline: Meeting Someone from Online


My girlfriend has been in New York for nearly 3 weeks and we've been talking online and via webcam during this time and it got me to thinking about how people do this long term before they meet their partner.

Some of you may not know that Sir Phryxus and I met online...sort of
We met at a club...but he was drunk and didn't remember me...so according to him we met online about a week later on the website he ran for the goth club night in our city. We met up at said club night about a week later and sparks flew and ignited...
So, what does this have to do with this article?
Probably nothing...just showing you what my train of thought looks like and where my blog inspiration comes from.

From Online to Offline
How to meet someone face to face after talking online; tips, advice, and things you may not have thought of before.

So you've been talking to this amazing guy, girl, Dom, sub...screen name for some time now and want to meet...live...face to face...in the same room! Congrats!

Before Meeting:
Meeting someone for the first time can be intimidating and some things you just can't plan or be ready for. However, there are some things you can do before hand that well help you out a lot.

Set Intention
Are you meeting because you're great friends, have a lot in common, and wanna exchange cheats on World of Warcraft and tips on how to handle a flogger?
Or are you romantically inclined after months of talking about kinks and having cyber sex?
Decide on where you might be wanting this relationship to go...and make sure that the other person knows.
Don't meet up expecting to hit it off and death till you part only to find out that he or she is just wanting to hang out and be your pal. Life is full of rejection already, you don't want to hear "Lets just be friends" after preparing your wedding guest list in your head for three weeks.

Exchange Faces
No, I'm not talking John Travolta Face/Off here
I mean pictures. Exchange a REAL picture of yourself with this other person. Going back to the Life being full of rejection, you don't want to meet up only to find out that he or she isn't into glasses...mohawks...full body tattoos...tall people...etc. Better to get that over with before hand.
Better yet, webcam. Try ooVoo or Skype. Talk to each other face to face...before meeting face to face. Makes it easier to find each other in a crowd later too!

Set the Date
Many people are apprehensive about meeting up for the first time due to the news stories of men and women being assaulted or worse after meeting an online friend in person for the first time.
Reassure yourself and the person you are meeting by arranging a daytime meetup in a fairly crowded place, such as a busy coffee shop.
It is not suggested to meet up anywhere remote, especially at night. This will set alarm bells ringing.
Also, always pick someplace where you can clearly hear each other, so it's conducive for talking. If the place is noisy, it can create an unpleasant atmosphere.
I once met a guy at a Subway that we both lived near after talking online for a week. We grabbed a bite for lunch, went bike riding, talked about his tuba (he was in high school marching band...I was seventeen at the time)...we didn't hit it off but it was a good lunch date.

Set the Date...with a friend
Its sad to say it, but please please please give a friend all the information of where you'll be, who you'll be with and set up a check in time.
Guys, this means you two. You don't want to be lured in by some chick and wake up in a bathtub full of ice.
Call this friend at the set up a time. Call again when you get home.
If you're this friend...please don't freak out if they are a minute late and call the police. At least give them a second to stop sucking face to dial your number.

Prepare for the Date
Ok, its the day of, and you've got butterflies in the stomach and praying to god that the other person actually shows up...after checking your e-mail for the set time and location...fifteen times.

Set an intention. 
Yep, I already said this, but its good advice and intention is a great word to type.
The most important thing to do for giving a good impression is to set your intention. As you get ready or when you are driving over think about the person you are going to meet and the interaction you plan on having. You can even imagine yourself having a conversation with this person...but focus on driving too...and try not to talk to yourself too much if you're biking or walking to this place... This can be an incredibly grounding experience and works very well to focus on what kind of energy you want to have for the date.

Appearance
Sort of a big deal...
Clothes, make-up, jewelry, and shoes are all types of ornamentation and people definitely take these into account when making initial judgments. I recommend getting some of your favorite outfits or ornaments together and asking friends what they think of when they see them.
Also, if you have talked via webcam and the other person has made mention of a certain shirt, dress, hairstyle, pair of earrings, necklace that they like, then consider wearing this. The other person will probably notice and it will make for a good conversation starter if things get awkward.

Cant figure out what to wear? Try these tips:


1. Don't wear anything super fancy, dressy or baggy. Try and look casual, but like you cared enough to wear something flattering, clean and appropriate.

2. Make sure that what you are wearing and how you do your hair or make-up says what you want it to say too! If you're Daddy's Little Slut girl online, might not wanna show up every layer you own but at the same time, if you're Princess by Day and Slut by Night, dress the part with nice clothes that don't reveal too much but...if you're comfortable with the thought, wear kinky lingerie or even a discreet sex toy underneath.

3. Perform a basic hygiene check:
Are your nails ragged and dirty? Have you checked your breath? And lastly, about how you smell? I don't just mean B.O. Overwhelming perfume or cologne is a real turn off, especially if the person you're meeting is by chance allergic to perfume (happened in my case...huge rash after coming in for a cuddle...ugh).


The Date
Ok, here we are, the good stuff...

Avoid bad days.
People who go to cocktail events or mixers after having had a bad day typically continue to have a bad day. If you are in a depressed or anxious mood, others will pick up on this from your facial expressions, comments and body language. If you’re having a bad day, stay home! Otherwise, find a way to snap yourself out of your bad mood. Watch funny YouTube videos, read some great jokes, whatever it takes to put a smile on your face.

Be interested and interesting.
If you are truly interested in meeting people and are open to learning about who they are, they will get this in a first impression. We have all had the experience of meeting someone and knowing instantly that they were dragged here by a friend and are just waiting to get out the door and head home. When you are meeting people for the first time approach others with a genuine interest in who they are. This is often contagious and you will have better conversation and lasting connections when you are interested because they become interested.

Avoid getting too personal and getting into discussions on politics, religion, or death. Gradually, when you listen to them speaking about the things they do or the things they like or dislike, you will be able to realize what’s common between you and them.

Be Courteous
If being considerate isn't a trait that you’d like your future partner to have, then you could be in for a world of pain. In fact, a lot of the things that you need to watch for fall under the umbrella of consideration.


1. Don't hog the conversation. Make sure, even if you are nervous, to ask them questions and find out about the other person. If you find you are talking too much, apologize then stop...don't continue talking after apologizing for being loquacious (big word right? I'm proud of it myself).

2. Be open, warm and interesting. Before the date, think about some good stories which might give this new person insight about who you are. Try the time when you went cross-country bike riding, met Robert Englund at a Horror convention, or volunteered in Haiti...or, if you're not that cool, try the time when you went to a great concert, especially if you have similar musical interests.

3. Tell this person something, but don't tell everything. And especially don't tell bad things. If you care about this person, get to know them before you scare them with your past history and flaws. You also don't need to elaborate on your mysterious rash or any dental surgery you might have had in the past...ever.

4. Please don't talk about your nasty divorce, cheating ex or stories about anything dealing with this past history. It's acceptable to briefly mention your children (if you have them...in your life...I wouldn't bring up that you're a man whore and could have lots of little bastards around the world though...that'll come out later).

5. (This is from SirPhryxus) Be Receptive to Courtesy.
If the person you're meeting admires your outfit, hair, smile, thank them. Denying any admiration can cause someone to feel like you're putting down their opinion or like it doesn't matter to you. This is not the impression you want to make.
Sir Phryxus also points out if he or she opens your door, pulls out your chair, don't deny them this either.


After the Date

This is really up to you.
My advice?
Say your goodbyes, hug, maybe a friendly kiss.
Go home, call your phone back up and let them know you're ok, and IM or e-mail your online partner that you had a great time.
Message them soon after they get back to you about meeting up again.
I'm not a sex on the first date kind of person and as for BDSM and play, I'd wait on that too until you know each other a little better...but hey, that's my two cents and I know people that jumped in the sack or on the St. Andrews cross the first night and lived happily ever after. So what do I know?

Some of the Best Advice for Last

Be yourself. 
When you are perceived as being confident and relaxed, the other person also feels more confident and relaxed chatting with you. This also helps you avoid putting up a fake image of yourself in front of others and then, trying your best to maintain it every time you meet them. Now, if you've been portraying yourself a lil differently online than off - like LordDomGod while being more amature_19M_with_a_boner...now might be a good time to show your good points...and interests...and how you plan on trying out some of the stuff you mentioned in BDSM_sluts chatroom.

Stop believing in ‘first impression is the last impression’.
While it is quite important to present yourself in decent ways to give a good first lasting impression, do not judge others on the same basis. It is quite possible that they are also nervous chatting with you or that they simply had a bad day. Give them some time in order to strike a good comfort level with them.

I hope some of this helped.
If you have an online crush...go get 'em
Remember, 1 in 8 committed relationships started online.

Lady Phryxus

Monday, January 7, 2013

Erotic Educator Liason

Hello everyone,

I have had a busy week with lots going on.
One of the things I've been doing is working on my very first update as an Erotic Educator Liason for the newest Erotication site - Be A Sex Educator!

Be a Sex Educator is a site created for Sex Education Professionals (university professors, sexologists, sexuality researchers, therapists and more). It is "a free resource for current and aspiring sexuality professionals of all kinds to share information and make community connections."
I also want to point out that Membership is free and you don't have to be a professional with lots of letters after your name or fancy certification on the wall to join (I'm a member and I don't have any of those things).

That all being said, I'm sure a few of you are reading thing, wondering what an Erotic Educator Liason is. Fancy job title, yea? I thought so too, lol.

Here's what the post for the job said:

Between KinkAcademy.com & PassionateU.com there are almost 130 educators and we’d like to provide more promotion for them on the Erotication websites. This position is currently un-paid, but can be counted as an internship.

Duties would include:

  • Keeping in touch with educators and their events and news
  • Posting educator news on our websites (will teach you how to do that)
  • Assisting Educators with our Affiliate Program (will also teach you how to do that)
  • Sending out a monthly newsletter specifically for our Educators


Sounds really cool huh, for an internship?

My first assignment was to e-mail updates on what the educators are up to - events, travel, classes, workshops, etc.
I worked on this for 2 days and felt a hell of a lot like stalking people online.
I looked at websites, blogs, twitter accounts, FetLife profiles and in a few cases even facebook.
Some sites haven't been updated since 2010, others have been down for who knows how long and their domain is for sale.

Finally, I was able to compile a list of 18 Sexperts and their upcoming activities:


Will be attending the following events in January and February
Sissy Night January Edition at Wicked Grounds (289 8th Street San Francisco, CA 94103)
Sissy Night Valentine's Day Edition Wicked Grounds (289 8th Street San Francisco, CA 94103)

Anita Wagner – will be attending
02/02/2013 Winter Wickedness (http://adventuresinsexuality.org/WICKED.html) Columbus, OH

Barak & Sheba – will be attending
02/02/2013 Winter Wickedness (http://adventuresinsexuality.org/WICKED.html) Columbus, OH
AIS April Fools Party, Saturday March 23, 2013 @ Princeton Club, Second Floor (VIP Room) 425 South Princeton Avenue, Columbus OH 43223

Promoting a Kickstarter  Public Sex, Private Lives (http://kck.st/H2c2zR) until April 27th.

Has a New DVD Lesbian Curves will be out on January 15th for $12

DanandDawn – Living M/s by Dan and Dawn Williams will be the next book for the Submissive Guide’s book club starting January 11.

Is currently negotiation 2013 dates for the following cities
Philadelphia, PA, Sydney, Australia, Toronto, Canada, Vancouver, Canada

Will be in Our America with Lisa Ling on Tuesday, January 22nd at 10/9c, only on OWN

Jay Wiseman – Speaking at
Negotiation As Foreplay on Tue. February 22, 7:00 pm at Chrysalis (930 N. Arlington Mill Drive Arlington VA, 22205) Web: www.cfnc.us
BDSM Bloopers, Blunders, and Disasters on Wed. February 23, 7:00 pm at Sugar (927 W. 36th St. Hampden Baltimore, MD) Web:http://www.sugartheshop.com/

Lee Harrington – He is a busy man ^_^
MOB – Boston, MA (January 20, 2013): Teaching Age Play
NELA Welcome Wagon – Boston, MA (January 20, 2013): Teaching Rituals for D/s
Leather Ever After Book Launch (https://www.facebook.com/events/394895843920855/) – New York, NY (February 13, 2013): The anthology features my story “Every Step For Him”
BASK (http://www.bayareasacredkink.com/)  – San Francisco, CA (February 22-24, 2013): Leading the Sacred Kink Initiatory Intensive (http://www.bayareasacredkink.com/future-events-2/)
Bound in Boston (http://www.boundinboston.com/) – Boston, MA (March 22-24, 2013): Teaching Classes
University of Minnesota – Minneapoils, MN (April 6-7, 2013): Teaching Classes
Delving Into Power – Hartford, CT Area (April 26-28. 2013): Leading the Delving Into Power Intensive
Turtle Hills Beltane (http://www.turtlehillevents.org/beltane/) – N. Maryland (May 1-5, 2013): Teaching Classes

Pyro Sadist – Will be attending
02/02/2013 Winter Wickedness (http://adventuresinsexuality.org/WICKED.html) Columbus, OH (Attending)
02/15/2013 Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire Luxury Hotel Takeover Downtown Washington, DC
May 25th - 31st Camp Crucible 2013 Camp Ramblewood 2564 Silver Road Darlington, MD 21034

Topologist – Teaching
Core Rope Curriculum 2013 Session 1
Saturday, January 12, 2013 at 3:00 PM - Saturday, March 9, 2013 at 5:00 PM (PST) San Francisco, CA

Indigo –
Is on hiatus from events to work on her novel

Jacq Jones – Attending
Tuesday, January 15th 6:30 pm with Romma Mafia @ Sugar Shop, Baltimore, MD

Julian Wolf – Attending
Friday, January 11, 2013 Black Widow Cabal Presents Seven Deadly Sins @ Launchpad 618 Central Avenue SW
Friday, February 08, 2013 – Sunday, February 10, 2013National Coalition for Sexual Freedom 2013 Annual Meeting Drury Inn & Suites Phoenix Airport, Phoenix, Arizona

Lolita Wolf –  Very busy at
January 8 – NYC - The Erotic Impact of Spanking at TES (http://www.tes.org/)
January 10 – NYC - Erotic Rope Bondage 102: Body Harnesses
March 8-10 – Dallas, TX - South Plains Leatherfest (http://store.purplepassion.com/servlet/Categories?category=Prepay+Upcoming+Workshops)
March 15 – NYC - Lesbian Sex Mafia (http://www.lesbiansexmafia.org/)
April 13-14 – Washington, DC - Midori’s Rope Dojo (http://www.ropedojo.com/)
April 18-21 – San Francisco, CA - International Ms. Leather (http://http//www.imsl.org/)

Lucky Albatross – Will be Attending
Friday, March 15, 2013 – Sunday, March 17, 2013 New England Erotic Hypnosis (un)Conference (NEEHU4) The Society 806 Windsor Street Hartford, CT 06120
Friday, February 08, 2013 – Sunday, February 10, 2013 FetFest Mid-Winter Hypno-Village Weekend Adventures Land, Bowie MD
Friday, March 29, 2013 - Tuesday, April 02, 2013 Leather and Leis 2013 Hawaii

Will be traveling to:
- LAS VEGAS - January 11th - 13th
 - LAS VEGAS - March 1st - 3rd
 - SAN FRANCISCO - April 18th - 21st
Attending Sin in the City March 1st - 3rd Las Vegas

***Those without links, I found through FetLife accounts and wasn't sure about linking that, but i'm sure you can stalk them down like I did pretty easily. 

If you are a Sex Educator with Kink Academy or PassionU and are not on this list - feel free to send me a like to your calender or e-mail me updates at nekomimiloli (at) yahoo (dot) com. thanks

Lady Phryxus


Sunday, January 6, 2013

The 8-Fold Path, Sex Magic & BDSM


As a practicing witch, I used to separate my spiritual journey from my BDSM practices until that felt too much like living with multiple personalities and far too stressful. In the end, I decided to join them together! Erotomancy, sex magic, is a passion of mine that I wanted to share with you. 

The Eight Fold Path of the Gardnerian Tradition
  1. Meditation or Concentration
  2. Chants, Spells, Invocations
  3. Projection of the Astral Self or Trance
  4. Incense, Drugs, Wine, etc
  5. Dancing
  6. Blood Control - use of cords
  7. The Scourge
  8. The Great Rite

Raven Digitalis in Goth Craft says of the 8-fold path, “Gerald Gardner and his associates understood ‘sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll’ to be spiritual gateways – codes of ascension – and applied this knowledge to early Wiccan teachings.”
The Eight-fold Path is also called “Eight Paths to Reach the Center,” the Center being the Higher Self or connection with the Divine through the Self. Digitalis goes on to explain that there are five unmentioned things needed in the Path and these are “intention, preparation, invocation, consecration, and purification.”
These unmentioned points can be explained as deciding to perform an act such as a sex magic ritual for healing, and preparation by creating a sacred space, calling quarters and any deities desired, and cleansing and consecrating any tools (i.e. floggers, candles, massage oil).

In the Gardner Book of Shadows, the use of the 8-Fold Way is vaguely explained with a few cautions. In the end, however, it is left up to the initiate to learn these ways from others in the coven or through their own experimentation and pursuit of these mysteries.

The First step on the Path – Meditation

“This in practice means forming a mental image of what is desired, and forcing yourself to see that it is fulfilled, with the fierce belief and knowledge that it can and will be fulfilled, and that you will go on willing till you force it to be fulfilled. Called for short, Intent.”
This is a pretty basic definition of what Meditation meant to Gardner. In sex magic and BDSM, meditation can also be put into terms of preparation. This is the act of turning inward to prepare yourself for what is to come – be it a sexual rite to bring abundance into your home or your first time being whipped with a dragon tongue.
This is also a key step leading into #2…

The Second step on the Path – Astral Projection and Trance

Instead of Trance, in the subject of BDSM, I’d like to use the word Head Space.
We’ve all heard of SubSpace, DomSpace, even Littles-space. This is when the submissive, Dominant, or little is in the mindset in which they can truly release themselves to the role they are in.
The Submissive Guide has a fantastic article on sub-space: Sub Space: The Ultimate Frontier

The Third step on the Path – Chants, Spells, Invocation.

This can be anything from mood music to a mantra.
One of the best uses of invocations I’ve ever read was on FetLife in which the submissive was used as a vessel and she and her Master invoked their patron goddess into her through meditation and through ceremonial whipping to bring her into a spiritual frenzy of passion and sexuality. It was a beautiful ceremony.

The following is from PaganBDSM site, author was not posted and could be used as a chant or mantra before sex or bondage magic:

Prayer for a Slave
I offer myself to your will,
To better serve your needs.
I offer myself to be your tool,
For my path is one of usefulness.
I offer myself to be used,
For to be used is to be valued.
I offer myself to be honed
To give me a finer edge.
I offer myself to be changed, 
That I may become a vessel,
A manifestation of your will.


The Fourth step on the Path – incense, Drugs, Wine, etc.

According to the Gardnerian Book of Shadows:

“Whatever is used to release the Spirit. (Note. One must be very careful about this. Incense is usually harmless, but you must be careful. If it has bad aftereffects, reduce the amount used, or the duration of the time it is inhaled. Drugs are very dangerous if taken to excess, but it must be remembered that there are drugs that are absolutely harmless, though people talk of them with bated breath, but Hemp is especially dangerous, because it unlocks the inner eye swiftly an d easily, so one is tempted to use it more and more. If it is used at all, it must be with the strictest precautions, to see that the person who uses it has no control over the supply. This should be doled out by some responsible person, and the supply strictly limited.)”

In BDSM, the use of alcohol and recreational drugs (even those used for spiritual purposes) is usually frowned upon and prohibited in a public setting such as a club, dungeon, or play party. This falls under the association with SSC – Safe Sane and Consensual. It is understood that someone under the influence of drugs and alcohol is unable to safely consent to what is about to happen to them in a BDSM scene. Also, alcohol and drugs that cause thinning of the blood can cause more bruising or even bleeding than would normally be considered safe.

That being said, the ritualistic used of drugs has a long history. Ayahuasca and peyote (Lophophora williamsii) as well as psilocybin mushrooms all have a history of magical use in shamanic and magical practice. Alcohol also has a magical history from wine to mead to ale used in ceremonial rite.

Digitalis explains the use of drugs and alcohol in Goth Craft as such:

“Alcohol and other natural drugs do not exist just to ‘fuck you up.’ Everything is designed with a purpose, and each substance can serve as a conduit to channel spiritual energies and open gateways of perception in the user…Some groups of Witches and spiritualists gather to use certain drugs other than marijuana for specific spiritual purposes. Reasons include vision quests, astral voyages, energetic healing, and extreme divination, to name a few.” However, even he has a few sentences of caution, “All participants in group circles must be completely honest about their current states of being with the other members involved. This includes being under the influence of a substance, even if the magickal procedure at hand is only celebratory in nature…Certainly, if a ceremony is centered on the use of a particular drug for spiritual purposes, then all participants must be aware of the other members; states of being, including their limits, before using and their states of being during the high…What I’m saying is, be smart about what you do. Be cautious and aware of what you put into your body and how it affects the whole of your person.”

Of course, for those who do not wish to participate in the recreational and spiritual use of drugs and/or alcohol, incense can be used to influence meditation and trance. As many who have used it know, incense sets the mood just as much as a romantic bottle of red wine. Scents like patchouli and sandalwood are fantastic to set the mood for a bedroom scene as well as a sacred space for sexual rites.

The Fifth step on the Path is the Dance and Kindred Practices

The Dance in the paths of sex magic can be taken literally with an act of sensual dance – think Strip-tease or even Belly Dance. Sensual dance, much like ritualistic dance, raises energy. If you’ve ever been to a strip club and felt the energy of the room you can almost tangibly feel the ache of the men and women there watching. This is similar to the energy that can be raised in a ritual setting for sex magic.
This could also loosely refer to the dance a submissive does as she is bound to a rack and squirms beneath the lashes of a flogger.

The Sixth step on the Path is Blood Control, Breath Control, and Kindred Practices

The use of blood control with cords and breath control in BDSM is a practice surrounded by a lot of excitement and taboo.
Just as it is used with great care to the delicacies of the human form in pagan ritual, so too should great care be taken when using blood control and breath control in sexual practice. 
Jay Wiseman, author of SM 101: A Realistic Introduction wrote a fantastic essay on safety in breath control play HERE called The Medical Realities of Breath Control Play. 

Some traditions believe that the 6th step is control over the body in general - everything from bodily fluids, bodily reactions, to controlling dreams and developing psychic powers. This can be taken a step further in the realm of BDSM in that a submissive could take it as controlling the self during a scene - not allowing the pain of the moment to control the body but rather a mind over matter situation. 

The Seventh step on the Path is the Scourge

Anyone who has participated in impact play during a BDSM scene can remember the feel of the scourge. In this case the scourge can be an O-whip, a flogger, or a cat-o-nine. Being scourged with one of these tools can bring blood to the skin, give a rush of endorphins, and send the recipient into sub-space.

Digitalis defines the scourge in its own section in Goth Craft:

“The Witches’ scourge is quite a bit milder than the early Christian versions and is quite ‘fluffy’ compared to the ancient Roman scourge. Instead of being made of metal and knotted with hooks, rocks, and bones, it usually is now in the form of a relatively soft cat-of-nine-tails, and is not designed to tear flesh and punish heretics! The tails of the Witches; scourge can be made of leather, faux leather, or thick string. A number of knots can be tied in each string, each holding the energy of a different blessing the person being scourged should receive.
‘For modern Witches, scourging is also used as a tool to exorcise deamons, diseases, and malignancies from someone, and a quick cleansing smack of the scourge is a requirement to enter the sacred circle for some Witches…
‘In traditional initiation rituals, the scourge is used to induce a small amount of sharp, momentary pain to remind the initiate of the vulnerability of the physical body and to increase blood flow to strengthen a trance.”

The Eighth and final step on the Past is the Great Rite

The Great Rite – here referring to the actual act of union. In the sacred circle this could simply be the symbolic act of the High Priest lowering the tip of the athame into the chalice held by the High Priestess. However, in regards to sex magic, this is this is the culminating sexual act. This could be an astral union between two people or a magical practitioner and an astral being such as a succubus. This could also refer to the act of masturbation by a solitary practitioner. Usually, though, it is an act between two or more people after raising energy with the previous practices.

Digitalis explained the Great Rite:

“Witches also traditionally perform the Great Rite, a ritual procedure in which the male practitioner (or person honing male energy) draws the God into himself and the female practitioner (or person honing female energy) invokes the Goddess. While in a fully drawn circle, the two unite the masculine and feminine currents, cultivating the energy of fertility, physically or mentally…To Pagans, sex is seen as a metaphor of divine union and the connection between the heavens and the earth.”

As for the concept of sex magic, Digitalis states, “ritual sex is often used either to heal the land and the earth or as a means of encouraging ‘inner’ fertility and personal growth…Sex magic should be performed between two consenting individuals of legal age. I strongly believe that both individuals making love should be aware if sexual magick is being performed…if one party is uninformed of energy work, it may as well be considered magickal sexual abuse.”

He goes on to say, “Sex magick is a very powerful force indeed. When two people come together in a physical bond, a certain essence is created due to the fusion of two energy patterns…When physical sensations increase during sex, spiritual gates open. During the time building up to climax, energy is woven between the two individuals and finally projected upward in a cone of power…Where this energy is directed is entirely up to the couple.”

Combinations and Short Cuts

The 5 unmentioned essentials and 8 Paths or Ways cannot always be combined in one rite. Meditation and dancing do not usually combine well (unless you are skilled in the ways of walking meditation), but forming the mental image and the dance may be well combined with Chants. Spells combined with scourging and blood or breath control, followed by the Great Rite or sex, form a splendid combination. Meditation, following scourging, combined with Chants or spells and drugs/incense/alcohol and dancing are also very Good. For short cuts concentration, Dancing, Blood or Breath Control, Scourging, and the Great Rite are excellent.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Polyamory Survey

Poly Pride
I just finished taking the following survey about polyamory and I wanted to share it with you all and encourage you, if you are poly (whether you're active or in a relationship or not) to take it as well.


"Poly folks and poly advocates, we need your help! Attached is a link to a newly launched online study! The work is part of a larger effort to further expand knowledge of relational attitudes, beliefs, and relational processes/practices of individuals who engage in consensual, nonexclusive intimate relationships, or who are philosophically open to doing so, regardless of their current relationship configuration. We undertake this effort in order to better understand the community, its beliefs, practices, and desires, as well as its position within the larger mosaic of humanity. We gratefully ask for your participation and request that you forward the survey to any and all poly people you know, post to forums, web pages, and list-serves, etc. We are aiming for thousands of participants who identify as poly so please help us spread the word! Much thanks! The link to the poly study"
(If you take and share this survey, please use the paragraph to provide context.)


Why is it important for us, as poly-folks, to take surveys such as these?

I read, not too long ago, that the poly community is in the position that the GLBT community was in 30 years ago. I think it would be a good idea to follow in their footsteps by being activists for our lifestyles. This means being as open and honest about your lifestyle as you feel comfortable or safe in doing. This also means allowing that openness to be examined by others.

Surveys like these are used in studies to find the truth about polyamory. When studies are done honestly and with an open mind of those taking these surveys (and the data used honestly rather than a slant to destroy these communities) they can be later used as evidence to show that poly relationships and lifestyles are safe and healthy.

By taking these surveys and providing information about your lifestyle, you are giving the whole community a gift. Please consider being an activist, even in your own small way, even if that way is anonymously.

Thank you.

Lady Phryxus