My Normal

My Normal, the tale of Dominatrix Natalie, is a really good movie, in my opinion. Sure there are points that might make a member of the BDSM community cringe slightly and go "its not like that, really" but in all it was a good story.

Nicole Laliberte plays lesbian Pro-Dominatrix Natalie who is struggling with finding a balance in her life between her job in the adult-industry, her dreams of becoming a director-producer, and her desire for a loving relationship.

I think Laliberte did an amazing job. Not only is she HOT but she is able to move between that hard bitch expression to the soft, thoughtful and even funny expressions that are needed to transition from Dominatrix Natalie to Normal Natalie.








As far as portraying the BDSM lifestyle and community...the movie doesn't go much further than the professional scene. It does show play sessions between the Dommes and their paying slaves. It doesn't really touch on the scene outside of that, so no D/s lifestyling, no bondage clubs, etc. If that's what you like, then this movie might let you down.

There are some fun play scenes. There's a point where the girls are getting ready and a slave in a Dalmation dog mask is on all fours with a tray on his back as an ignored piece of furniture. There is also a scene when Natalie is smoking a blunt and looks off screen and says "ashtray" and the camera pans out to show a man in a mask who opens his mouth for her to flick ashes in.

Best scene is one that you don't quite understand at the beginning so...
*Spoiler Warning!*
Jim is a client Natalie keeps after she gets a job as an intern on a movie set and takes a break from the Dungeon.
She is his Domme Mistress of sorts and "blackmails" him with video of their sessions at the Dungeon. This leads to financial Domination and a scene outside of his office in which she makes him massage her feet after she's been shoe shopping with his credit card.
At first it feels like she might be doing this without his consent, as the viewer doesn't get much back story. After the foot massage scene they have a friend conversation and he thanks her for the session and gives her an extra tip in his payment.

Now, the movie does cover some of the issues that come along with working in the adult industry including relationships with vanilla lifestylers, drugs, and "growing up".

I say "growing up" because some people in the industry, whether its stripping, Pro-Dom, porn, whatever, there are those who work in the scene who make it clear that one day they will grow up and move on from this life to the "white picket fence" ideal.

Sonia, one of Natalie's co-workers, is one of these types of people. She wants a long-term girlfriend, a baby, a "normal life".
*Spoiler*
She ends up leaving the job and when she comes back into the scene she's pregnant and has the life she has wanted. She even makes one small jibe at Natalie that perhaps she too should 'grow up' and move on as well, despite Natalie's confirmation that she enjoys the life she's living.

The movie does show some drug use, which might irritate some viewers who are stead fast in the Safe, Sane and SOBER motto of the BDSM lifestyle. But, from what I remember, none of the drug use was during a session, so maybe that will make the difference to some viewers.
The drugs in use are marijuana and what I assume is ecstasy. The pot is a key point as character, Ty, is a pot dealer and is the one who jump starts Natalie into writing a screen-play with him and working on her dream of being in the movie industry.

And then there is the relationship drama that, in my opinion, is rampant no matter what lifestyle you belong to. Natalie and Sonia discuss at the beginning of the film that no matter who they date, their girlfriends will not understand or accept that they are Pro-Dommes. Natalie experiences this first hand with Jasmine, her girlfriend who she pics up at the club and falls in love with. Jasmine can't stand that Natalie is a Dominatrix and even has nightmares about it. She tries to get Natalie to leave the BDSM scene by acting like she has her girlfriend's best interest at heart and encouraging her to reach for her dreams to be in the movie industry.
Sadly, this doesn't work out for the very reason that you can't change people no matter how much you love them and want to. Natalie finally gets it across to Jasmine that she likes being a Dominatrix and no matter where she works or what she does, that is part of her.
(This is something I have seen happen again and again when people in the BDSM scene date people who are more vanilla lifestylers. I always recommend kinksters to date other kinksters).

In all, the only thing I had an issue with was Natalie's co-workers, 2 blonde Dommes who are very ditsy. One of them is a Domme-in-training and one scene shows her asking what mummification is and instead of them helping her with the safety of the client in mind the tell her to wrap him in plastic wrap and leave a coupe of holes for air. Little things like that make me cringe so...yea. It was really my only complaint.

I left a lot out of my review such as Natalie's relationship with her sister and mom, her interaction with her Director boss, and more. I just want to say that its on Netflix and you should watch it ^_^

BDSM Abuse Awareness

Many of you may have noticed that I have been passing around a link to an article on forums, chat rooms and more lately.
The article, I never called it rape: the truth about abuse in BDSM by Kitty Stryker, is featured on The Fetishistas online BDSM magazine. It's an open, up front telling of Kitty's experience of abuse in the fetish community and how so many times the community at large turns a blind eye to it even as they claim that BDSM is strongly against abuse and rape and is pro Safe, Sane and Consensual play only.

I have heard many Many MANY accounts of abuse in the scene. Everything from verbal abuse of submissives by a Dom who does not have any claim over them to ignoring a safeword to leaving a submissive after dropping them into sub-space to rape.
This issue has hit home in House Phryxus and we would like to do what we can to raise awareness.

So I'm posting this article everywhere I can think of.
Warning, it may be a trigger to some people who have suffered abuse as some of the tellings boarder descriptive. If you cannot read it because it could trigger, at least pass it on to others and let them know that the BDSM Community can no longer turn a blind eye to abuse.
This is not only to protect potential victims but to also keep the community clean of unnecessary stigma.

Kinky Jobs

With unemployment high and kinksters all over the US looking for jobs, I thought I would make a list of fetish jobs that kinksters might be interested in. Not included in this list is: stripping, porn industry, or prostitution but if this is legal in your area and of interest to you, have at it. ^_^

Pro-Dom:
Doms and Dommes might be interested in going pro. While there is a term for Dommes who go pro, Dominatrix, there doesn't seem to be a similar term for men who do so they are normally termed Pro-Dom or Professional Dominant. Doms (I will be using the masculine version from here on just to make things simpler, sorry if you are offended) can do this 2 ways: solo or as part of a dungeon.

Fox News Sexpert (Yea, I know, of all the places to find a sexpert right?) covered the reasons women would become a Dominatrix (and I think these reasons are similar for men as well) "“It offers the convenience of early or nightshift work; It enables cute women with bodies bigger than the Barbie-esque figure desired of strippers to work in the sex industry; It provides a woman with the opportunity to flog some of the bankers responsible for the current financial mess."

Of course, the pay check of an average of $200 an hour helps as well.
Many Doms supplement their income with public demonstrations, conference appearances, even by writing for magazinese, websites and or authoring their own books.

Pro-Doms in the field:
Alpha Malevolent
Master Kain
and soon Sir Phryxus? -giggles-

Pro Dommes in the field:
Elle ( a pro switch to be precise )
Mistress Milliscent

(I chose the 4 Doms here because they were the first ones I came across when searching that had websites that were still up and running...I know, great journalism huh? lol)

Pro-Sub:
Alternatively, submissives can also go pro and, in most cases, are paid better. This job is more dangerous than its Dom counterpart due to use of restraints by the customer or, in some cases, use of extreme bondage.
This field, as far as what I've seen, is mostly employed with women but I'm sure there is a calling for male subs.

Pro-subs in the field:
Check out the International Directory of Professional Submissives

Interwebs:
There are plenty of ways to be kinky online and make money if you have the abilities.

Host your own kinkster website. You can make money through advertisement, becoming an affiliate of adult stores, or reviewing products.

You can also blog...-looks around her own blog- and I know a lot of people make money on their blogs...and I could use the advice myself...hint hint.

Work for a kinkster website. Watch for job opening at your favorite site, social network, etc. I see them pop up all the time but sadly, I have no 1337 Sk1llz0rz...ehem.

And then there's always setting up a profile with some of the webcam and phone sex networks if you have the body and voice for that sort of thing.(I sound somewhat like a small child over the phone...so yea...not where I'm applying right now)

Toys:
Work at your local adult store. Not only do you get to work in a field you are knowledgeable in but you get a discount on all those kinky toys!

Work for a company that makes toys!
Bad-Dragon is always taking applications on their site even when they aren't hiring.

Make your own toys. If you have a hobby in wood, leather or metal work - put that hobby to work. Make leather harnesses and floggers, wooden racks and vintage dildos, chainmaile or Gorean collars.
Sites like Etsy allow all creators to sell their stuff without having to create your own online store...though that's not a bad idea either. Or, if you don't want to sell online, try setting up a table at your local munch, fetish club, goth club, etc.

Write:
If you're a writer, then write. Plenty of websites allow you to create your own e-book without the hassle of agents and begging at the doors of publishing companies. Write some of your own experiences...changing any names of course, or write out your fantasies.
If you don't want to make your own e-book, submit your writing to kinkster magazines, blogs, websites and more. Who knows, you might be the go-to boy or girl in the kinky scene of journalism or fiction!

Psychopathia Sexualis

I was directed towards the movie Psychopathia Sexualis by chained_angel on FetLife when I asked for more movies to review (as I had already watched Story of O, Fetishes and Kink).

The movie shows scenes described in the study Psychopathia Sexualis that was made during the Victorian Era. I have to be careful about watching movies like these or even reading books with similar material as insane asylums are one of my biggest phobias and it gives me nightmares.

Some of the scenes squicked me out (like urinating in the mouth of a whore at the brothel and lobotomy) and, of course, I didn't agree with most of the conjectures made by the author of this study...but it was made by a man in an era where women did not have the rights they have today.
At one point it was stated of male submission that they were stripped of their manhood and made low, in the place of a woman. It made me consider who author Masoch surely was viewed by his peers as being...sick, having something truly wrong with him. Today, I am glad there is a better understanding of this at least in the psychological world even if it isn't accepted by the general public.

The costumes were lovely - gotta love a woman in a corset ^_^
And I must say I was inspired by the scene of the whore beating the customer with roses.

I think the doctor's words toward the homosexual man with a fetish for mustaches sums of the general view of men that day towards homosexuals: its not unnatural to have those feelings but to act on them was perversion - meaning its ok to be a homosexual but not to have sex with the same gender. I sadly don't think this view has changed much today in the general public.

The shadow puppet art was weird and very pretty at the same time. I love the use of it like horror porn in the story. Just goes to show that people haven't changed much over time.

I must say I cannot help but wonder what the doctor's sex life was like lol