I was Roofied

Sorry, no witty title today. Plain and Simple, I was roofied.

Last night I went to the Silver Fox Inn with my husband and girlfriend to celebrate the number of nice things that have happened to us this month including my girlfriend passing her Roller Derby assessments from Fresh Meat into Rookie and Sir's getting a job that will pay for him to go to school for certification.
I don't remember much but from what I was told we were having a great time, and I had made the statement that I was having a lot of fun because we hadn't been out on a date in so long.

I hadn't been drinking. I did order a Guiness but after a couple of sips I decided on a ginger ale instead with my burger. I didn't think about my ginger ale being behind me while I watched Sir and Pup play pool. It wasn't an alcoholic drink so I figured naively that no one would bother it.
I was wrong.

I started to feel queasy and a little dizzy. At first I wondered if I had somehow eaten something I was allergic to. Then my tongue began to go numb and I felt out-of-it and tired.
It was the blunt honesty that I have with Sir that saved me. I told him how I felt and he recognized the signs immediately from the days he was a bouncer and an EMT.

The rest of this telling is what was relayed to me as I do not remember.
Once in the car Damon checked my eyes and the dilation was off. He then instructed Pup to keep me awake while he ran to the store and then took us home. He carried me up the 3 flights of stairs to our apartment, changed my clothes, and kept to the arduous task of keeping me awake for the next few hours to ensure that I wouldn't fall asleep and either 1. choke on my own vomit or 2. not be able to wake up...

What I do remember after that is waking up on the couch to Sir and Pup watching over me and telling them how tired I was. I honestly thought I had suffered some sort of allergic reaction to food or food poisoning and taken a benadryl and just didn't remember passing out on the couch. I asked Pup how work went and later learned that me asking and continuing a conversation we'd had 6 hours prior scared her badly.

I told Sir how tired I was and after he made me drink some water, he took me to bed. It wasn't until he woke me up because he was holding me so tight it was uncomfortable that I knew something was very wrong.
Finally he told me I had been roofied and I slowly pieced my night back together.
Sir blamed himself. He said as my husband and Dom he should have been more aware of my safety.
I blamed myself, I should have been smart enough to watch my drink.
My dear friend Leeanne pointed out the falacy in these beliefs. Its the fault of asshole who drugged me. I shouldn't HAVE to watch my drink. I shouldn't HAVE to be worried about being drugged.

I thought as a married woman, with people she was openly and obviously in a relationship with, and not drinking alcohol, I was safe. I wasn't
Sir explained that he had seen it happen many times that some people put drugs in other people's drinks because they think its funny to watch them afterward - not necessarily to date rape them.

I share this story because its scary to know someone is out there doing this to another woman...or man.

The following is an article for teens, but it pertains to all people. I wasn't date-raped but I do sympathize with one of the girls interviewed, Jada, who was drinking water and thought because it wasn't an alcoholic beverage there was no need to watch it.
What it Feels Like to be Drugged

My plea to all people going out - be careful. Watch your drinks, watch your friends - be clear of the warning signs of someone who has been drugged. That's what kept me from getting hurt is the care and awareness of my loved ones.

P.s. Roofie jokes are no longer funny

From Online to Offline: Meeting Someone from Online

My girlfriend has been in New York for nearly 3 weeks and we've been talking online and via webcam during this time and it got me to thinking about how people do this long term before they meet their partner.

Some of you may not know that Sir Phryxus and I met online...sort of
We met at a club...but he was drunk and didn't remember me...so according to him we met online about a week later on the website he ran for the goth club night in our city. We met up at said club night about a week later and sparks flew and ignited...
So, what does this have to do with this article?
Probably nothing...just showing you what my train of thought looks like and where my blog inspiration comes from.

From Online to Offline
How to meet someone face to face after talking online; tips, advice, and things you may not have thought of before.

So you've been talking to this amazing guy, girl, Dom, sub...screen name for some time now and want to meet...live...face to face...in the same room! Congrats!

Before Meeting:
Meeting someone for the first time can be intimidating and some things you just can't plan or be ready for. However, there are some things you can do before hand that well help you out a lot.

Set Intention
Are you meeting because you're great friends, have a lot in common, and wanna exchange cheats on World of Warcraft and tips on how to handle a flogger?
Or are you romantically inclined after months of talking about kinks and having cyber sex?
Decide on where you might be wanting this relationship to go...and make sure that the other person knows.
Don't meet up expecting to hit it off and death till you part only to find out that he or she is just wanting to hang out and be your pal. Life is full of rejection already, you don't want to hear "Lets just be friends" after preparing your wedding guest list in your head for three weeks.

Exchange Faces
No, I'm not talking John Travolta Face/Off here
I mean pictures. Exchange a REAL picture of yourself with this other person. Going back to the Life being full of rejection, you don't want to meet up only to find out that he or she isn't into glasses...mohawks...full body tattoos...tall people...etc. Better to get that over with before hand.
Better yet, webcam. Try ooVoo or Skype. Talk to each other face to face...before meeting face to face. Makes it easier to find each other in a crowd later too!

Set the Date
Many people are apprehensive about meeting up for the first time due to the news stories of men and women being assaulted or worse after meeting an online friend in person for the first time.
Reassure yourself and the person you are meeting by arranging a daytime meetup in a fairly crowded place, such as a busy coffee shop.
It is not suggested to meet up anywhere remote, especially at night. This will set alarm bells ringing.
Also, always pick someplace where you can clearly hear each other, so it's conducive for talking. If the place is noisy, it can create an unpleasant atmosphere.
I once met a guy at a Subway that we both lived near after talking online for a week. We grabbed a bite for lunch, went bike riding, talked about his tuba (he was in high school marching band...I was seventeen at the time)...we didn't hit it off but it was a good lunch date.

Set the Date...with a friend
Its sad to say it, but please please please give a friend all the information of where you'll be, who you'll be with and set up a check in time.
Guys, this means you two. You don't want to be lured in by some chick and wake up in a bathtub full of ice.
Call this friend at the set up a time. Call again when you get home.
If you're this friend...please don't freak out if they are a minute late and call the police. At least give them a second to stop sucking face to dial your number.

Prepare for the Date
Ok, its the day of, and you've got butterflies in the stomach and praying to god that the other person actually shows up...after checking your e-mail for the set time and location...fifteen times.

Set an intention. 
Yep, I already said this, but its good advice and intention is a great word to type.
The most important thing to do for giving a good impression is to set your intention. As you get ready or when you are driving over think about the person you are going to meet and the interaction you plan on having. You can even imagine yourself having a conversation with this person...but focus on driving too...and try not to talk to yourself too much if you're biking or walking to this place... This can be an incredibly grounding experience and works very well to focus on what kind of energy you want to have for the date.

Appearance
Sort of a big deal...
Clothes, make-up, jewelry, and shoes are all types of ornamentation and people definitely take these into account when making initial judgments. I recommend getting some of your favorite outfits or ornaments together and asking friends what they think of when they see them.
Also, if you have talked via webcam and the other person has made mention of a certain shirt, dress, hairstyle, pair of earrings, necklace that they like, then consider wearing this. The other person will probably notice and it will make for a good conversation starter if things get awkward.

Cant figure out what to wear? Try these tips:


1. Don't wear anything super fancy, dressy or baggy. Try and look casual, but like you cared enough to wear something flattering, clean and appropriate.

2. Make sure that what you are wearing and how you do your hair or make-up says what you want it to say too! If you're Daddy's Little Slut girl online, might not wanna show up every layer you own but at the same time, if you're Princess by Day and Slut by Night, dress the part with nice clothes that don't reveal too much but...if you're comfortable with the thought, wear kinky lingerie or even a discreet sex toy underneath.

3. Perform a basic hygiene check:
Are your nails ragged and dirty? Have you checked your breath? And lastly, about how you smell? I don't just mean B.O. Overwhelming perfume or cologne is a real turn off, especially if the person you're meeting is by chance allergic to perfume (happened in my case...huge rash after coming in for a cuddle...ugh).


The Date
Ok, here we are, the good stuff...

Avoid bad days.
People who go to cocktail events or mixers after having had a bad day typically continue to have a bad day. If you are in a depressed or anxious mood, others will pick up on this from your facial expressions, comments and body language. If you’re having a bad day, stay home! Otherwise, find a way to snap yourself out of your bad mood. Watch funny YouTube videos, read some great jokes, whatever it takes to put a smile on your face.

Be interested and interesting.
If you are truly interested in meeting people and are open to learning about who they are, they will get this in a first impression. We have all had the experience of meeting someone and knowing instantly that they were dragged here by a friend and are just waiting to get out the door and head home. When you are meeting people for the first time approach others with a genuine interest in who they are. This is often contagious and you will have better conversation and lasting connections when you are interested because they become interested.

Avoid getting too personal and getting into discussions on politics, religion, or death. Gradually, when you listen to them speaking about the things they do or the things they like or dislike, you will be able to realize what’s common between you and them.

Be Courteous
If being considerate isn't a trait that you’d like your future partner to have, then you could be in for a world of pain. In fact, a lot of the things that you need to watch for fall under the umbrella of consideration.


1. Don't hog the conversation. Make sure, even if you are nervous, to ask them questions and find out about the other person. If you find you are talking too much, apologize then stop...don't continue talking after apologizing for being loquacious (big word right? I'm proud of it myself).

2. Be open, warm and interesting. Before the date, think about some good stories which might give this new person insight about who you are. Try the time when you went cross-country bike riding, met Robert Englund at a Horror convention, or volunteered in Haiti...or, if you're not that cool, try the time when you went to a great concert, especially if you have similar musical interests.

3. Tell this person something, but don't tell everything. And especially don't tell bad things. If you care about this person, get to know them before you scare them with your past history and flaws. You also don't need to elaborate on your mysterious rash or any dental surgery you might have had in the past...ever.

4. Please don't talk about your nasty divorce, cheating ex or stories about anything dealing with this past history. It's acceptable to briefly mention your children (if you have them...in your life...I wouldn't bring up that you're a man whore and could have lots of little bastards around the world though...that'll come out later).

5. (This is from SirPhryxus) Be Receptive to Courtesy.
If the person you're meeting admires your outfit, hair, smile, thank them. Denying any admiration can cause someone to feel like you're putting down their opinion or like it doesn't matter to you. This is not the impression you want to make.
Sir Phryxus also points out if he or she opens your door, pulls out your chair, don't deny them this either.


After the Date

This is really up to you.
My advice?
Say your goodbyes, hug, maybe a friendly kiss.
Go home, call your phone back up and let them know you're ok, and IM or e-mail your online partner that you had a great time.
Message them soon after they get back to you about meeting up again.
I'm not a sex on the first date kind of person and as for BDSM and play, I'd wait on that too until you know each other a little better...but hey, that's my two cents and I know people that jumped in the sack or on the St. Andrews cross the first night and lived happily ever after. So what do I know?

Some of the Best Advice for Last

Be yourself. 
When you are perceived as being confident and relaxed, the other person also feels more confident and relaxed chatting with you. This also helps you avoid putting up a fake image of yourself in front of others and then, trying your best to maintain it every time you meet them. Now, if you've been portraying yourself a lil differently online than off - like LordDomGod while being more amature_19M_with_a_boner...now might be a good time to show your good points...and interests...and how you plan on trying out some of the stuff you mentioned in BDSM_sluts chatroom.

Stop believing in ‘first impression is the last impression’.
While it is quite important to present yourself in decent ways to give a good first lasting impression, do not judge others on the same basis. It is quite possible that they are also nervous chatting with you or that they simply had a bad day. Give them some time in order to strike a good comfort level with them.

I hope some of this helped.
If you have an online crush...go get 'em
Remember, 1 in 8 committed relationships started online.

Lady Phryxus

Domestic Submission

Ever wonder how you could use something as mundane as house cleaning and turn it into something exciting and kinky?

Check out my new article on SexIs Magazine from EdenFantasys - Domestic Submission!

High Protocol

Hey readers. I had a discussion a little while ago with a Dominant on the use and misuse of High Protocol in the scene (both online and off) and wanted to share my thoughts on the subject.

First, there are a few definitions of High Protocol I want to address before I explain my stance.

High protocol is a formalized way of doing things in a D/s or M/s relationship that can dictate everything from how a submissive sits, stands or walks to what he/she says to whom and how they act in public or private. Some view High Protocol as a very strict standard of BDSM relationships (not to say that this is a bad thing at all). There are other, probably better, definitions available on the fabulous interwebs and I encourage you to look into them for more detail.

Within Reality gives a great example of protocol in her article here

and of High Protocol, she says, 

“In high, using the bath example, I would present my Master a towel by kneeling before him, head bowed, eyes lowered and demurely offer to dry him off. This level is serious and formal. My Master has taken the words/thoughts from the Estate - 'Complete obedience, without delay, or hesitation is required. All nonessential movement, speech, and thought are unacceptable. There has to be the awareness that every move, answer and behavior is being carefully examined and judged.'

Some other examples of the different levels of protocol are I am allowed to sit on furniture during low. In medium I have to ask permission. In high I am not allowed on furniture.

In low - I must say yes Sir or even my Master's given name in some cases. It is yes Master always - unless with people who are not aware of our lifestyle, in medium. And in high protocol it is ALWAYS yes Master.”

I do have some experience with High Protocol with a past, online Dominant. This has colored my judgment on it a little but I feel I’m now better able to look at other High Protocol relationships more clearly now that time has passed.

With my Past Dom, who I will call TEM for now, practiced a formalized standard of BDSM offline with other submissives and slaves and saw no issue with training and treating me in the same manner online and over the phone. This might not have been a problem if we’d had a deeper relationship beforehand, as another Dominant recently pointed out, but, because we did not, I developed some issues in the relationship in being able to adhere to his standards.

TEM did teach me a lot of things however, such as basic definitions and structures of BDSM, he began my training in orgasm control, and taught me that no one wanted a door mat for a submissive and that being a strong woman was very important in general.

That all being said…

Some Pros and Cons (or better said the use and misuse) of High Protocol

I wanted to address an issue that a lot of people I’ve spoken to have had with High Protocol – Dominants who insist on being addressed as Sir/Ma’am or Master/Mistress either by other Dominants or by subs/slaves that are not their own.

This is a MISUSE of High Protocol. Just like anything else in the scene, even Titles must be at the consent of those giving the Title to a Dominant. I personally have an issue giving the title Sir/Ma’am to anyone who has not yet earned my respect as a Dominant. At first I thought it was just the Switch in me but then I realized, no, it’s a respect issue. Just because someone says they’re a Dominant of the highest caliber doesn’t mean they are and I might just want a little proof of that statement.

Also, calling another Dominant Master or Mistress is an outright No. I only have one Master, and that is Sir Phryxus, and I have one Mistress and that is Mistress Fenreya. Period. No one else has earned my trust to earn these titles and, besides, Daddy would be awfully pissed off is he ever heard me refer to another Dom as Master.

In the same way, I get a little miffed when someone, not my Daddy’s sub, calls him Master. They haven’t earned the right to call him that just as he hasn’t earned their trust to call him that either. It’s like a little calling every male they see in the scene Daddy or crawling in their lap (I’ve had issues with this before and it wasn’t pretty).

Oh, if you do see me refer to someone who is not my Master or Mistress as Master so-and-so or Mistress whatever, it is usually due to the fact that it’s a screen name online. Sorry if that’s confusing.

-climbs off my soapbox for a minute-

One of the great things about the proper use of High Protocol is the lifestyle it creates for the participating D/s couple. I was told of a couple that the Master literally has a manual for every task he demands of his slave from how to lay out his clothes in the morning to proper coffee service.

Being able to perform these tasks in a way laid out by my Dom would be very enriching and even empowering. It not only lets the sub please their Dom but also allows them to stay within their boundaries that are clearly laid out – no guess work involved.

Another form of High Protocol is ritualizing some tasks. Tea service can be quite beautiful and some Masters like for their slaves to learn formal tea service as a way to improve themselves not only in knowledge but manners and grace.

One could even say a collaring ceremony is a ritual of High Protocol in that it can be formalized and the Master can hold a high standard for the slave in actions, vows and contract.

Ahem –back on soapbox-

Another misuse of High Protocol is when Dominants or even other submissives expect slaves/subs to automatically know how to act in a High Protocol situation.

I’ve yet to see this in life but I see it online a lot. Going into a room that demonstrates High Protocol actions and expecting a new person just entering to know these things is a little immature. I’ve been chewed out and seen others reprimanded harshly for simply being ignorant of the rules of conduct in that room towards other Dominants or even other subs.

An issue that isn’t necessarily High Protocol but just an issue I see a lot in the scene is Dominants who feel they are King/Queen of the hill and that all subs are lowly and should automatically show respect.

This also falls into consent.

I’ve been overlooked, told that my opinion doesn’t matter, even booted form chatroom or ignored in real play parties because I have a collar or identified as a submissive at the time.

I’ve spoken about this before…and probably will again because it’s a big issue with me.

Just because we are subs doesn’t mean we are nothing. I don’t give anyone permission, not even my own Daddy, to treat me like I am worthless because I identify as someone who is submissive to 1 or 2 people.

I’m still a person and so is every other submissive on the planet and as a person I still require at least a small form of respect.

Just as not all Dominants are wonderful, Kingly, majestic, always right, and perfect. Sometimes they too are in the wrong and both the Dominant and the Submissive should be heard in any issue in the community.

-sits on my soapbox thinking-

I’m sure there are other issues to address here but I can’t think of any right now.

I do want to direct you, my dear reader, to read a greatarticle about Gor lifestyle. I used to be prejudice against Goreans because of the few I’d met online were a little…well…mean. I really enjoyed and learned a lot from this article though and am more than willing to give Gor a second chance. You should too if you’ve had the same prejudices or experiences as I have had.

Much love,

Lady Phryxus

Erotomancy: Female Domination Hoodoo

So I've been working a little on a project involving Sex Magic and I might share my project in total in the form of a paper or e-book later down the line but for now you may just have to put up with me posting some tidbits here and there as I get the notion to do so.

When looking at some hoodoo and voodoo articles I came across a Female Domination Spell and it was just too interesting not to share.

Lucky Mojo is a site/shop run by Catherine Yronwood. I've met several people who have read her book and taken her class and are very impressed. I might one day take her class myself but that'll be after I finish paying for the umpteen different things that still demand my money and time...-sighs-

According to Yronwood, the Hoodoo tradition "consider such female domination normal, common, and even necessary to ensure a satisfactory relationship." I know a few subbies that would agree ^_^

This Female Domination charm is called a Nation Sack and originates from Memphis, TN (not far from where I live now, coincidentally).

Tools:

• A piece of red flannel and red string or a red mojo bag
• A small red candle
• A dime from each of your birth years (i.e. my dime would be from 1988, the year I was born)
• High John the Conqueror Root
• Queen Elizabeth root
• A saucer or offering plate
• Something personal or biological belonging to the man (a scrap of cloth with his sweat on it, his hair or best yet his semen)
• Dressing oil such as Follow Me Boy
• A scrap of paper with his name written on it 9 times

Timing:
The day you start your period or during the full moon

Place the paper with the man's name under the overturned saucer.
Carve his name 9 times on the red candle going in a spiral down the candle (I want to add that doing this clockwise would be best)
Dress (rub down) the candle with your menstrual blood (or vaginal fluid) and the dressing oil
Place the candle on the overturned saucer and say "[Man's Name] come under my command."
Light the candle.
Dress the dime of your birth year with your mentrual blood (vaginal fluid) and say "This is [Your Name]" and the dime from his with the dressing oil saying "This is [Man's Name]" and set them before the candle.
Dress the High John the Conqueror Root with your menstrual blood and the dressing oil and say "This is [Man's Name]" and set it on his dime.
Dress the Queen Elizabeth Root with your menstrual blood and the dressing oil saying "This is [Your Name]" and set it on your dime.
Set his personal item on the flannel or in the red mojo bag.
Dress the bad with the dressing oil and stroke 9 times saying "[Man's Name], follow me."
Pass bag through candle smoke saying "[Man's Name], come to me."
Place dimes and roots into the bag saying "[Man's Name], stay with me."
When the candle is done burning, take the paper out from under the saucer and fold it towards you saying, "[Man's Name], follow me."
Turn it and fold it towards you saying, "[Man's Name], come to me."
Place the paper in the bag and say, "[Man's Name], stay with me."
Dispose of left over candle wax at a crossroads, throwing it East over your left shoulder and walk away without looking back.
Wear the bag when you're with the man or place it in the bedroom where he will not see or touch it.

Yronwood has a few other Female Domination spells on her site that I recommend reading. Even if you don't believe in this sort of thing, it is certainly interesting to think about dominating men or women through magic.

Dressing oils like Follow Me Boy and other items mentioned in this spell can be found on Yronwood's website as well as other hoodoo and curio shops like Conjured Cardea on Etsy.


(for more on magick, see my witchcraft blog www.witchsbottle.blogspot.com)

Sex Magick

For those of you who are not aware, I consider myself a type of Pagan. I'm not wiccan but I do participate in magick rites. I wanted to create a brief post about an area of magick I am very interested in and wanted to share.

Sex Magick, especially combined with BDSM is a great way for some people (those who are open to it) to achieve deep self exploration, attain connection with Higher Self and commune with the Divine.
Other terms that are used for this are Erotomancy, Sacred Kink, Quadashti BDSM, Sado-Erotic Ecstasy, Sado-shamanism, and more. I prefer the terms Erotomancy or simply Sex Magick (these, in many practitioner's opinions are not the same thing as one may connotate that BDSM is used while the other may suggest vanilla sex).

The basic idea behind Sex Magick is that Orgasmic Force = Life Force. This includes the achievement of Orgasm and the fluids involved (semen, vaginal fluid and even menstrual blood). Sex Magick practitioners focus this force towards their desired goal through meditation, spell, or the creation of talismans and potions.

Sex Magick can have 3 forms of participation:

Monofocal: Masturbation with the focus on 1 person. There can be one person involved or multiple people involved in helping the one person achieve this...focus. This is a good use of meditation for self exploration, the achievement of a trance or divination.

Dualfocal: The focus here is on 2 people. Many practitioners believe the 2 involved should love each other for this to work, but this love should not be confused with romantic love as 2 people joined in Sex Magick do not have to be romantic partners or significant others. This focus can be on the combining of opposites such as male and female, Dom and sub, Master and slave. The partners do not have to be male and female for this to work as any sexual orientation or gender can participate and use Sex Magick.
Some practitioners suggest that one person involved should focus on the meditative thought or goal while the other focus on pleasuring, but this, in my opinion, is still Monofocal despite the transition from masturbation to intercourse. It is perfectly possible for 2 people to focus on the goal whilst having sex if they had the meditative mindset

Multi or Polyfocal: Here the focus is on a group, but not an orgy. All involved would have to be able to focus on one goal. Some practitioners suggest the use of a group leader to guide the others during the act with chants, orders, etc. This person may or may not be participating in the sexual act.

I have read about Sex Magick being used for various reasons such as creating a gollum or familiar to do the bidding of the two people involved much like 2 people would create a child during sex. This is done by using the creative energy of sex and sexual fluids and directing them towards a goal of creation that is not a child but another being. I've also read about it being used to heal one of the participants. All that Orgasmic Force being sent to 1 body to heal it.

Sex Magick in Ritual can be used to heighten the experience of connecting to the Divine. In the Wiccan Great Rite, the High Priestess acts as the Goddess and the High Priest as the God. By adding Sex Magick to this they can move from joining the Deities together symbolically with Athame (a double-edged knife that represents the phallus) and Chalice (a sacred cup that represents the womb) to actuality with sex between the High Priestess and High Priest.

Resources

Books
Sacred Kink by Lee Harrington
Kink Magic by Taylor Ellwood and Lupa

Sites
Raven Kaldera's site Pagan BDSM
The Arcane Archive has a few articles about Sex Magick and Thelemic Sex Magick
Into the Darkness has a good section about Sex Magick information.

There is also a group called Sex Magick on FetLife for those of you who are on there and want more information.

Sissification

While not a personal interest of mine, I do have some friends who are very interested in Sissification and wanted to do a blog post about it for them as well as for you, dear reader, should you be curious about this concept or maybe have never heard of it before.

A great article on the topic is by Chaos Fox, Feminization and Sissification on The Sexpert's Lounge. Chaos Fox explains the terms and the basic concepts of this fetish pretty thoroughly and without much confusion (I like that). I also like that the article explains that while the male participating in sissification is experimenting with gender roles, he is not necessarily switching or effecting his sexual orientation (translation: sissies aren't necessarily gay, they can be straight or bi as well).

From the Age Play point of view, The Big Little Podcast interviewed some Littles who participate in Sissification in Episode 51.
I personally would love to know if there are any Sissy Daddies or Uncles out there who become feminized for their Little's enjoyment.

When shopping for sissification clothes, which I love to do because their clothes are so over-the-top sometimes and I love that, I find that SissyKiss Boutique has a great selection!

BDSM Abuse Awareness

Many of you may have noticed that I have been passing around a link to an article on forums, chat rooms and more lately.
The article, I never called it rape: the truth about abuse in BDSM by Kitty Stryker, is featured on The Fetishistas online BDSM magazine. It's an open, up front telling of Kitty's experience of abuse in the fetish community and how so many times the community at large turns a blind eye to it even as they claim that BDSM is strongly against abuse and rape and is pro Safe, Sane and Consensual play only.

I have heard many Many MANY accounts of abuse in the scene. Everything from verbal abuse of submissives by a Dom who does not have any claim over them to ignoring a safeword to leaving a submissive after dropping them into sub-space to rape.
This issue has hit home in House Phryxus and we would like to do what we can to raise awareness.

So I'm posting this article everywhere I can think of.
Warning, it may be a trigger to some people who have suffered abuse as some of the tellings boarder descriptive. If you cannot read it because it could trigger, at least pass it on to others and let them know that the BDSM Community can no longer turn a blind eye to abuse.
This is not only to protect potential victims but to also keep the community clean of unnecessary stigma.

Kinky Jobs

With unemployment high and kinksters all over the US looking for jobs, I thought I would make a list of fetish jobs that kinksters might be interested in. Not included in this list is: stripping, porn industry, or prostitution but if this is legal in your area and of interest to you, have at it. ^_^

Pro-Dom:
Doms and Dommes might be interested in going pro. While there is a term for Dommes who go pro, Dominatrix, there doesn't seem to be a similar term for men who do so they are normally termed Pro-Dom or Professional Dominant. Doms (I will be using the masculine version from here on just to make things simpler, sorry if you are offended) can do this 2 ways: solo or as part of a dungeon.

Fox News Sexpert (Yea, I know, of all the places to find a sexpert right?) covered the reasons women would become a Dominatrix (and I think these reasons are similar for men as well) "“It offers the convenience of early or nightshift work; It enables cute women with bodies bigger than the Barbie-esque figure desired of strippers to work in the sex industry; It provides a woman with the opportunity to flog some of the bankers responsible for the current financial mess."

Of course, the pay check of an average of $200 an hour helps as well.
Many Doms supplement their income with public demonstrations, conference appearances, even by writing for magazinese, websites and or authoring their own books.

Pro-Doms in the field:
Alpha Malevolent
Master Kain
and soon Sir Phryxus? -giggles-

Pro Dommes in the field:
Elle ( a pro switch to be precise )
Mistress Milliscent

(I chose the 4 Doms here because they were the first ones I came across when searching that had websites that were still up and running...I know, great journalism huh? lol)

Pro-Sub:
Alternatively, submissives can also go pro and, in most cases, are paid better. This job is more dangerous than its Dom counterpart due to use of restraints by the customer or, in some cases, use of extreme bondage.
This field, as far as what I've seen, is mostly employed with women but I'm sure there is a calling for male subs.

Pro-subs in the field:
Check out the International Directory of Professional Submissives

Interwebs:
There are plenty of ways to be kinky online and make money if you have the abilities.

Host your own kinkster website. You can make money through advertisement, becoming an affiliate of adult stores, or reviewing products.

You can also blog...-looks around her own blog- and I know a lot of people make money on their blogs...and I could use the advice myself...hint hint.

Work for a kinkster website. Watch for job opening at your favorite site, social network, etc. I see them pop up all the time but sadly, I have no 1337 Sk1llz0rz...ehem.

And then there's always setting up a profile with some of the webcam and phone sex networks if you have the body and voice for that sort of thing.(I sound somewhat like a small child over the phone...so yea...not where I'm applying right now)

Toys:
Work at your local adult store. Not only do you get to work in a field you are knowledgeable in but you get a discount on all those kinky toys!

Work for a company that makes toys!
Bad-Dragon is always taking applications on their site even when they aren't hiring.

Make your own toys. If you have a hobby in wood, leather or metal work - put that hobby to work. Make leather harnesses and floggers, wooden racks and vintage dildos, chainmaile or Gorean collars.
Sites like Etsy allow all creators to sell their stuff without having to create your own online store...though that's not a bad idea either. Or, if you don't want to sell online, try setting up a table at your local munch, fetish club, goth club, etc.

Write:
If you're a writer, then write. Plenty of websites allow you to create your own e-book without the hassle of agents and begging at the doors of publishing companies. Write some of your own experiences...changing any names of course, or write out your fantasies.
If you don't want to make your own e-book, submit your writing to kinkster magazines, blogs, websites and more. Who knows, you might be the go-to boy or girl in the kinky scene of journalism or fiction!