My Dominant Personality

The Submissive Guide Blog Hop

Submissive Challenge #16

Dominant Personalities in Submissives

On the Fence by Lucky Cole

This blog hop prompt is one that I feel very strongly about as a switch that both fully submits to my Dom and deeply loves to Dominate others submissives. I am a Switch and I embrace that term.

I haven't been out as a switch for very long. I felt that there was something wrong with me at first. Having both sub and Dom tendencies makes a girl feel a little crazy. I was also afraid that Sir wouldn't accept the Dominant side of me and force me to be submissive no matter what. I also was afraid that having Dom tendencies meant that I wasn't a sub - and I so dearly loved and still love being Sir's sub.

When I came out and told Sir that I think I'm a Switch, he just nodded, said he had an idea that it was so, and started training me. He said some of the best Dom's are Switches or have submitted in the past. He believes that to really understand how a sub feels in a scene, a Dom should have to experience everything they go through. Sir himself has been beaten by every tool and toy he uses on me or other subs. I have seen him submit to one woman and to see a strong man like him submit was the most erotic thing I have ever seen or experienced.

Sir has trained me well. We started slow and my first few scenes as a Dom he monitored me - making sure that both the submissve and myself were safe and comfortable - or as comfortable as anyone can be on a spanking bench being beat with a flogger.

My Dominant Personality as a Submissive
I am a sadist. I love watching a submissive react to pain - whether I'm inflicting it on them or someone else is.  Ironically, as a submissive, I do not handle pain well and prefer to trance out when being beat or hurt.
I also tend to be Dominant when I'm a little (age playing as an 8 year old) and submissive when I'm not regressed.
There is just something so delicious about being little, not worrying about adult problems, and focusing entirely on playing with my toys - especially the human toys.

As a submissive to Sir Phryxus I have found my balance. I submit to Him ONLY. No one else.
To all others, I prefer to be seen as a Dom.
I have met some conflict due to this.
Some old-school BDSM-ers prefer that I choose a side and quit riding the fence.
To that idea I like a t-shirt I saw not long ago - I'm Poly Bi and a Switch - I'm just greedy that way.
I have run into some Dom's who see me submit to Sir and arrogantly believe that they can Top me too. Not only is this wrong but it is also bad manners and I would not recommend acting this way towards anyone.

At one party a male Dom tried to top me without consent from me or Sir. He talked about taking me and torturing me anally. I turned on him with my most cute-yet-wicked smile, fondled by beaded Loliflog and told him sure, that I would love to do that...to him. I proceeded to inform him that I only submitted to one man and that I've broken stronger Doms that him.
Perhaps I should have been nicer but my anger caused the more sarcastic and tactless Dom in me to come out. That particular male Dom has never bothered me again.

I'm not sure if this post was what the members of Submissive Guide were looking for precisely but I still think its a great topic and I enjoyed writing about it from my perspective.

Don't Judge My Friends Because of Me...

You ever hear of a person being judged by the people they associate with?
Well, how about judging people I associate with because of the fact that I have associated with them?

This happened to me recently.
I in the past have spoken to and scene'd with a girl who I will not name for the sake of keeping this post as nice as possible but will call KD. This girl is nice enough but I no longer associate with her because of some situations I have been put in because of her, her tendency to cling, and the fact that despite my being very clear that I have no intentions to have another woman in my life and only look to have BDSM scene relations has taken my interest as a Domme as being interests in a perspective partner.

I later had two dear friends of mine come to me and mention KD and hanging out with her. I didn't say anything about her in a negative way as I'm sure that many people could hang out with KD without becoming enmeshed in a situation like I was.
Unfortunately, KD began to turn her interests onto them and again become clingy and not listening to their explanations of non-interest. When they brought this to me and followed this up with the fact that the only reason they began hanging out with her was because she and I were friends - and gave me the compliment of being a great judge of character - I became worried.

So here is my DISCLAIMER
Just because I associate with, become friends with, or even scene with a person does not mean that I have proven that they are in any way cleared for play with other friends of mine
I take NO RESPONSIBILITY for people you become friends with.
Just because I hang with someone does not mean they are not a crazy bitch, a sexual predator, an unsafe Dom/me, or any other issues. I hang with them because they said HI and have yet to show any of these tendencies to me.

I also want to admit that I am actually not a great judge of character.
I have been in abusive relationships with friends and boyfriends.
I have a bad tendency to see the potential for good in people and stick with them even when they abuse our relationship to a point that my own mental/emotional/physical health was at risk.

Does this mean that I don't think you should meet my friends and hang with them? Not at all
Just please don't think that just because I have a drink and hang with a person means that you can assume they are automatically cleared and are a great person to be with/have sex with/scene with/or whatever.

xoxo
Lady Phryxus

The Past Haunts

I woke up to an anxiety attack this morning
So I might nit be my usual chipper self.
Just something else to add to the ever growing pile of bad stuff happening to me these 2 weeks.

I had a nightmare about my ex, the one that abused me, and woke up scared. I always feel that dreams mean something but...this is different. At first it was just a weird dream, he was opening up for my friend Revrin's band, Nightfalls, with his own band. Then it got weirder, I could see through his eyes and he was looking at old kinky pictures of me.

I woke up with Sir's alarm before it could get worse thankfully but confused. Why would I dream of him when I haven't even thought of him in a very long time...
Then I found out.

He e-mailed me last night.
2 e-mails.
1 threatening my little brother, Synn
2 talking about how he is in bad shape due to his diabetes.

I started to hyperventilate. So I called Sir Phryxus and he talked me down. He almost came home but I told him to go on to work.
I called Synn but no answer...it's still pretty early so I'm sure its just he hasn't woken up yet.
I'm almost betting the issue is my ex joined the kinkster group that Synn is part of and my loving brother has warned quite a few people of my ex's abusive nature.

The second part is his fucked up sociopathic passive aggressive attempt to make me feel bad for him. One of the ways he kept me with him for so long was talking about his health, how he was dying, etc. Its all from diabetes, well, I believe there is a cure for diabetes and a lot of his issues is he really doesn't give a shit about himself enough to be healthy.

Sigh

So this is not a good way to be starting my day.
I now feel like crap but am afraid to go back to sleep and continue the dream I had.
I just want that bastard out of my life but he keeps finding ways to try and worm his way back in.

My Happy Birthday ^_^

My birthday started midnight December 19th and went to 4 pm December 21st. I was born December 20th 1988 at 4:07 pm (after 12 hours of labor my mother will always comment).

I started getting amazing birthday wishes immediately - thanks everyone ^_^

I also started it off right, in my opinion, with amazing birthday sex with Sir Phryxus. He was wonderful and forceful and combined my kink for D/s, age play and plushies until I almost passed out from orgasmic bliss.
He then held me all night, to my knowledge. I did wake up around 2 or 3 AM to find hims till holding me close and it made me smile and get all warm in all the right places.

When I woke up with Sir that morning I was still happy, despite him having to go to work. He wished me happy birthday, gave me a kiss and out the door he went.
I checked my FetLife and FaceBook to find even more birthday well wishing then tried to go back to sleep...in vain. So I took naughty piccies for Sir and sent them to him at work ^_^

After I woke up fully and had my first cup of coffee I opened the birthday presents my mom sent me. Her and I don't get along but they were still pretty good presents and I know she still loves me even after all the craziness of our relationship.
These 2 gifts along with the ceramic fairy from my in-laws were the only physical gifts I received and they were great.

I then made sure the overnight bag was packed. Clothes for Wednesday - check. 3 floggers - check. 1 crop - check. 2 clothespins - check. 250 ft of rope - check. Silk blindfold - check. Comfortable shoes - check.
All ready ^_^

Sir Phryxus came home early and we got ready quickly to go and meet my lil brother Synn who drove in from out of state just for me! We got to my friend Amy's house before Synn did so Sir started constructing my rope corset for the night there.
We then got Synn and grabbed pizza, which we ate in the parking lot of Fuzzy Holes.

In the club we hung out with my friends Revrin, club owner Anita, Sir's cousins "Jason" and "Nora" and, of course, Sir and Synn. And the dancers of course.
We ate pink champagne cupcakes, cake truffles, and drank absinthe and rum and sake and Crown Royale.
Sir had a good time with his slave, Synn, who he showed off well - especially the fact that Synn was wearing pretty Strawberry Shortcake panties ^_^

From the club we went to Revrin's house where Sir and Synn had a short scene with rope, floggers and crop. Sir dropped Synn into sub-space fairly quickly, worked him through it then went into nurturing-Sir mode after to bring him out of it gradually. Synn ended up on the couch snuggling a braided length of rope and half-consciously smoking a cigarette. I had a super compersion moment at that point watching them together. It was so cute.

Sir and Revrin also played guitars and sang for a bit, which is always a treat. The four of us also played Kings Hell House Rules - I love that game ^_^ I ended up pulling the Joker and made Sir my slave...not that I acted on that, I wouldn't know what to do with a slave if I had one.

We then crashed splendedly. Synn said he didn't move the whole night and slept like a rock - I wonder if the sub space of the bottle of Crown Royale did it lol
It was hard to see Synn leave today. I will miss him but Sir and I are gonna try and have him down in the next month or so, at least by Sir's b-day in March.

I had a great birthday (will have pics up soon as I get them all from Synn). Thank you everyone for the happy wishes and blessings ^_^ I feel very loved.

14 Day Sex Challenge: Day 14

Its the end of the challenge and I certainly had fun. Thank you Athena of In Praise Of for the Challenge.

What is your fantasy?

Hmm what a broad question. I have lots and lots of fantasies.

My most recent fantasy involves me and my DaddyDom and lil sissy Honey.
I fantasize about Honey and I in frilly dresses in the bedroom. Sliding each other's panties off and feeling each others "kitties". Slowly start exploring each other and eventually one of us begins to kiss and lick the other's little pussy.
Daddy walks in on us and punishes us with sever spankings for being dirty then slowly starts loving on both of us until we fall into a wonderful threesome.

Sorry its not very descriptive. ^_^

14 Day Sex Challenge: Day 11

Sorry I missed yesterday, had a lot going on.

Day 11 is my Worst Sex Memory.

I have dealt with some abuse in my life but I decided not to describe those experiences on here.

My worst sex memory with Sir Phryxus was during a bad time with us. We were fighting about our ex, which I will call Kandy Kane. She was doing her best to drive a wedge between us so she could have Sir to herself. Even after we broke up she asked if she could just be friends with me and have sex with him, my response was pretty explicit and negative.

During this time we were fighting and still wanting to have sex and Sir ended up taking some aggression out on me after a fight. We were crying and yelling in the car on the way home and pulled off on the side of the road for sex (not uncommon for us mind you) and he came around to my side opened the door and attacked me. While it wasn't rape he was rough with me even when I told him he was hurting me.
It was a scary and sad time that hasn't repeated itself.

I received a lot of after care and love when he realized how much he had scared me so don't leave this post thinking my Sir is a total sadist lolz.

14 Day Sex Challenge: Day 10

Best Sex Memory

Wow...huh...let me think...

Ok, I don't want to write this like I condone drugs but this story...memory involves the recreational use of a certain pain killer and this pill has an effect on Sir Phryxus that enables him to last for a long time without ejaculation.
We were watching the movie Strangeland, which, for some reason, really turns me on. So, Sir played the movie and lit a few candles and we had sex.
We ended up trying a new position, that I think is called the Leg Glider and it allows Sir to hit all my spots either with penis/vagina penetration or with his fingers while he's penetrating me. This position doesn't really allow for me to curl up and hide holes or curves or anything and I like that I can't do that (and I do sometimes if I feel shy or whatever).
It was great and lasted for hours until I literally passed out.

14 Day Sex Challenge: Day 8

The Things I'm dying to do in bed...

Have sex with Lolita clothes on (gotta get the clothes lol)
Suspension (Sir wants to be suspended with piercings)
Sex with Sir in a fur suit (he's not up for it sadly)
Implement Bad Dragon or Exotic Erotic toys

14 Day Sex Challenge: Day 2

Story/Age you lost your virginity

I was 19 years old and it was on January 17th, 2009 with Sir Phryxus ^_^

I had always noticed boys and liked boys but by the time I knew what sex was (long after I had figured out masturbation...and been told I would go to hell for it) I had already been told about all the nasty things you could catch having sex (STDs, AIDS, and what my mother called K.I.D. lol). So I didn't have sex for the same reason I didn't do drugs - I just knew the first time I did it something terrible would happen.

Now, before I go on, I want to say that I was raped before this happened. It was date-rape with a boy I had been in love with for a number of years. So when Sir and I had sex, I wasn't medically a virgin (then again I prolly wasn't medically a virgin since I was eleven and started using tampons) but I still count it as my first time.

Sir and I had fooled around a few times but I was terrified by the actual act of coitus. He understood and was patient (a strange concept as he was what his mother calls a Slutpuppy before he met me). I ended up going out of state for Christmas that year and missed him sooooo much. Before I returned I made the decision that I was going to do it. I called him and told him so and he asked if I was sure and I said I was.

When I returned on January 16th I was too exhausted to do more than shower and pass out so Sir Phryxus and I just held each other all night.
The next night I made sure I was clean, shaved, and wearing the prettiest underwear I owned (not much then because I had yet learned the art of lingerie shopping). He was so gently and took things slowly. It hurt (because I was tiny) and I panicked when he entered me so he held me then until I was ready and whispered how much he loved me and how wonderful I was and so on in my ear.

I wont say it was amazing...or that the second time was. The third time was AWESOME and has been since ^_^