Submissive Journal Prompt: Obstacles and Challenges

The Submissive Guide Journal Prompt:
How do you handle obstacles or challenges? Do you find it is the most effective way to handle them in this way?

I thought this journal prompt was appropriate given the not-so-fabulous insanity going on in my life and in my community lately.
Rather than go into the drama, I will skip to how I'm dealing with it.

Advice From Amazing People

My friends, house members, mentors and people in the community I look up to have given me some great advice over the months and years I've known them.

Take a Bath - my little sister, Devious Kitty takes a lot of baths. She has admitted to spending 8 hours in the bath one day. Every time something stresses her out, she is in that bath water, playing with her rubber duck and processing. I decided to give this a try and a lot of thinking is done about my life, House Phryxus, my job, events and more in that small apartment bathtub.

Think before you hit the send button - this is a piece of advice given to International Ms. Leather 2013 Sarha Shaubach and she has been kind enough to spread the word. This piece advice and others like it have kept many a bad and harmfully-worded e-mail from being sent. The sister advice of think before you post is also a good one fore all bloggers...like me.

When offended by another person in the community, play devil's advocate (or find someone else who will). Did they do that maliciously or did they simply not know better because they were new, drinking, or unaware of the situation? I have a few friends who happily play my devil's advocate, and I do it a lot with my House Members when we're discussing a situation wherein someone outside the house has offended someone. Sometimes the situation can be remedied with a kind and informative conversation with the offending person. Sometimes people simply have to agree to disagree and step away from each other. However, the best route is to be factual, level headed, and upfront with integrity.

Things to Remember

Integrity - this is a word I've been reading and hearing a lot lately.
Webster defines integrity as:

 firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : incorruptibility
: an unimpaired condition : soundness
: the quality or state of being complete or undivided

Sarha gave me a great definition to integrity not long ago that I think everyone can understand and adhere to:

Integrity is making a decision of how you feel and how you will react to something and reacting the same way each time no matter what AND manning up to admit that you're reaction and feelings on it have changed when they do and why (or admitting when you were wrong the first time).
This means that when I say that I don't like people who cheat on their spouses, I can't say its ok for Billy-Joe because he's my best bud but still hold that it's not ok for Joe-Bob because I don't like him. If I do change my mind about cheating then I have to admit that I have changed my views and not lie that I've always believed this new way.

Let Your Freak Flag Fly!

Hi everyone!

As you might have read in my post about my Leather Vest, I am diving into Leather Culture and learning as I stumble and twirl through.
One of the things I've come across in the leather world is the idea of flagging or the Hankie Code.

Haruka (Sailor Uranus) flagging red ^_^

The first person I ever saw as flagging, or recognized was flagging, was IMsL2013 Sarha and I've since spoken to her and a few other flaggers about various colors, sides, the differences in the Kink community and the LGBT community, etc. Flag History is just as in-depth as any other part of the kink and leather world and it has taken a while for me to wrap my head around it.

What is Flagging? How does it Work?

Flagging, for me, is like a secret handshake. Only people who know the secret handshake will understand the hankie code.

From what I was told, flagging started back in the 1940's-ish, when men came back from the war. Bikers and biker gangs started to pick up and Leather was beginning to form. Since being gay wasn't acceptable, and even illegal in many places, men would signal that they were up for a good time, with another man, by flagging their keys a certain way. A Top or Dominant type would wear his keys out on the left side and a Bottom or Submissive type would wear his keys out on the right side. This is how men would know if someone was available to talk to or just fuck.

The Hankie Code may have actually started out as a joke, when someone put together a color/kink code and sent it out for a laugh...laugh was on him/her as it actually was adopted, adapted and used!

For more on Flag history, check out Diary of a Leatherman

Finding My Flag

When I started looking at the hankie code and reading more about flagging, I of course started to consider what I would flag in accordance to my kinks.

My first flag search was for Age Play. I looked at pink (its for dildo users) and teddy bear (for cuddlers) and even My Little Pony (for pony play), and after weeks of searching I was at a loss. A few friends told me I should just come up with my own flag. However, I just knew there had to be something out there - there were just too many age players in the community for there to be nothing on it.
The closest I came was Hunter Green hanky for Daddy/little boy...but I'm a little girl...

Finally, after weeks of searching and asking questions, I came upon a post by Sarha on Facebook where a friend, Mark, posted that a safety pin was the flag for the ABDL and Littles. I practically jumped for joy as I sent Mark a message thanking him for giving me a clue on my search. Mark did more than give me a clue though, he gave me the link of where he saw it -
ADISC Universal Badge for TB AB DL
A forum discussion for those who want to flag ABDL and Little but don't necessarily want something as loud and proud as the Age Play Pride Flag hanging out their back pocket.

I also plan to flag Fuchsia for spanking...on both sides depending on my mood ^_^

Another Way I Flag

Another way I flag, than on my leather vest or with a hanky out of the pocket, is with the barrette/ribbon code.
This is a code that Uncle Bear came up with on FetLife that Sir Phryxus and I have adopted and use frequently.
I won't paste the code here but I do ask if you're interested, please check it out at The Ribbon Code on fetlife.

Hanky Code Links

Flagging Opinicus Rampant has a really good color chart
Boot Dog has a VERY extensive list
Evil Monk has a code used by the Alaska Leather Tribe in their resources

My Leather Vest

I recently received my first piece of leather - a vest from International Ms. Leather 2013, Sarha Shaubach! She gave me this pretty piece the week before leaving for IMsL while I was helping her box up gay porn VHS's for the Shitty Sunday Show.

Just a little about me - I don't know a thing about Leather...in any sense of the word. I don't know how to care for it, I don't know a thing about what Leather Community is, the lifestyle, the culture, etc. This gift blew my mind and fired up my curiosity...

Lady Phryxus and SinisterWolfy
@ Celebration for IMsL2013 at The Raven

I have been asking a few members of the Leather Community I know about what Leather is and other questions. I will be sharing some of my epiphanies with you all as I come upon them.

My vest was cleaned, conditioned and thoroughly loved on by a new friend of mine, RedWarrior who was Pantheon of Leather Woman of the Year 2011, International Community Bootblack 2010, and SouthEast Community Bootblack 2010 at the Celebration for IMsL2013 at The Raven.

I have no pins or patches on my vest yet, though I am looking for an Age Play Pride patch right now. The vest was given to me with blue lacing but I wanted something a bit more...me, so I replaced them with pink ribbons printed with ballet slippers and hearts. I received lots of happy comments about the change, so I think I'll keep them for now.

I also wanted to ask you, my darling readers, what do you know about Leather that you would like to share? I'm looking for anything from knowledge of the Leather Culture to how and where to wear pins and patches on a vest.

xoxo
Lady Phryxus

Celebrating International Ms. Leather 2013

Last night, April 27th, House Phryxus went to The Raven in Anchorage and celebrated with other members of the community our very own Sarha Shaubach winning International Ms. Leather 2013.

Photo taken by employee of The Raven

My heart is black and blue for this woman! She will be traveling all over the US, Canada, and even Berlin and Amsterdam with her title and experiencing all this kinky world has to offer all while representing Alaska and Leather Women!

The celebration included gifts being made to Sarha for her actions and leather love as well as aid for her travel fund. Gifts included a pair of leather pants worn all over the US by our own community boot black, International Community Boot Black 2010, RedWarrior. Sarha was also awarded the Golgi Apparatus "Dirty Dick" Award from Sir Phryxus who received it last at the Shitty Sunday Show.
We also all enjoyed a celebratory cake, conversation and RedWarrior's boot blacking skills.

RedWarrior was the first to condition and polish up by very first leather vest last night. The experience was luxurious and sensual and smelled soooo fucking good!
She also polished up Sir Phryxus' boots...while he was wearing a kilt...traditionally ^_~
His traditional/regimental kilt wearing also resulted in a number of celebrants 'kilt-checking' him. He said at one point he felt like the center of a jerk-off circle. I am also proud to say that a previous Mr. Alaska Leather (2001) kilt-checked my husband...thoroughly! He asked Sir what I would say if I were to walk by and see this, and Sir, knowing me so well, said I would probably giggle and keep walking.

My little sister, Devious Kitty, won the raffle taking place and her reward was a leather-covered, wooden paddle that I was honored to have the first whack's on her bottom with. It was a lot of fun, to say the least.

SinisterWolfy...
not looking so Sinister

Sir Phryxus also was able to show off a little bit of rope-work on SinisterWolfy's arms last night, which was nice to watch just as Wolfy's corseting on PunkyPup and Kaia...pictures coming soon.

PunkyPup...being herself...

I was also happy to see SinisterWolfy's Glacier Pack out in force last night.

In all, I had a ton of fun and am so proud of my community for coming out and celebrating.

Black and Blue for You
Lady Phryxus

Zado Leather Ankle Cuffs - a review

Zado Leather Ankle Cuffs 

from Eden Fantasys 

I love that new leather smell! I was so excited to receive these beauties as they are the third set of cuffs I've reviewed and, after two bad reviews, I figured third time's a charm. I figured correctly as these were exactly what I wanted  in a pair of ankle cuffs.

Materials

The package (which was promptly eaten by my roommate's dog and thus not pictured) lists the following traits of the cuffs:

• Restricts free movement for extra excitement!
• Two ankle cuffs with a detachable metal chain with two karabiner hooks. 
• Cuffs made of black leather, softly padded inside. 
• Each approx. 6 cm wide, adjustable size with buckle between approx. 18 and 30 cm. 
• Metal chain including karabiner approx. 60 cm long.
• Material: split leather/metal.

About the materials, I will say that the leather is genuine and gorgeous to look and feel. It's not that bad-quality, thin crap that I often see at many adult novelty stores that frays and rips easily. This leather is thick and sturdy enough for aggressive use in bondage play.

The metal chain was also a surprise. When seeing metal and not getting an in-depth description of the type of metal, I usually assume cheap aluminum and/or nickle. Instead, the chain is made of the same sturdy material used to make high end dog leashes for large and aggressive dogs (found this out through a friend of mine who has a large, aggressive breed of dog). I was impressed and do not have many worries about wearing these cuffs out any time soon.

Wear and Tear

I received these cuffs the day before the Anchorage Fetish Ball at Mad Myrnas. What a perfect event to try them out!
The cuffs were comfortable enough to wear the whole evening walking around the club and standing to watch various play scenes. I showed the cuffs off to friends and fellow kinksters at the event and everyone who saw them was impressed and wanting to know where to purchase a set of their own.

I have since Fetish Ball also worn them to a couple of smaller meet-up events that leather-gear was welcome at. They received the same interest and praise there as at the large event.
I have also worn them to sleep in. Their comfort and easy wear allowed me to sleep in them all night with no problems and woke without discomfort or any scratches to the leather from movement in my sleep.

Cleaning and Care

Since these cuffs are genuine leather, they can be cared for, conditioned and cleaned like any other leather gear. My first recommendation is to have them cleaned by your local boot black at an event. If you've never had this done, it is an experience that is sensual, instructional, and beneficial to the leather gear.

If there is no bootblack near you, then you can clean and condition your leather just as you would leather boots. In many cases all that is necessary to clean leather is a damp cloth or a store bought leather cleaner. For a deeper cleaning a leather soap or saddle soap can be used. This is followed by polishing with a good leather polish/conditioner.

The metal pieces will be fine when cleaning the leather. Simply make sure they are dried and wiped-down completely before storing.

I give these cuffs a 5 out of 5! They're comfortable enough all night, sturdy enough for intense play, and beautiful to behold!

Call for Reviewers: Erotic Toy Town

EroticToyTown is offering free sex toys to qualified bloggers and product reviewers!

Please email blogging@EroticToyTown.com for approval. Tell 'em Lady Phryxus sent you ^_~


ETT is looking for reviewers that provide the following information:

• Product URL or SKU that you would like to review from this selection or other similar priced product from the store or something you would like to review but they do not yet carry. Reach out and ETT will see if they can accommodate your desires.
• URL of your blog, forum or review site with traffic statistics, social media presence, and other relevant information. The blog must be related in some way to either sex toys, or have erotic content or be related to health and beauty in some way.
• Turn around time - i.e. how long will it take for a review to be completed and live after you receive an item. Please take into account your personal and professional time and any other possible situations like moving, medical and other issues.

There is also a Sex Toys for Bloggers YouTube clip from ETT.

EroticToyTown cooperates ONLY with responsible bloggers. The store maintains and shares with the industry a black list of bloggers who request items and disappear or do not produce them within a promised turn around time.

Black Rose Mouth Bit

Black Rose Mouth Bit 

by Doc Johnson 

from The Adult Toy Shop

As my first toy from The Adult Toy Shop, I was very impressed by their online store and shipping process. The shipping was super fast and discreet (the mailer was labeled from Shipping Dept).

The Mouth Bit advertises comfort for long wear as well as beauty. I definitely got both of these things from this toy.

I wore the Mouth Bit to the Alaska Fetish Ball on March 30th after receiving it in the mail the morning of the event. It matched by purple and black outfit perfectly, looked beautiful with the purple silk ties and vinyl black roses, and could relax around my neck or fit comfortably in my mouth for the evening.

I have temporomandibular joint disorder or TMD/TMJ. This causes me to have difficulties in using gags that force my mouth open for an extended period of time as my jaw will lock up and become painful. Bit gags like the Black Rose Mouth Bit are perfect for me in that they don't force my mouth into an uncomfortable position but still perform the task of muffling speech.

As for the look of this Mouth Bit, I really love the style and the purple silk ribbons. They create the perfect comfort fit for the gag and I think that if the Bit had been made with leather or nylon straps, the comfort and beauty of this toy would have been lost.

The black rose detail of this Mouth Bit is adorable. I did have to work with the gag to place them properly as the plastic bit moves along the ribbon between the two roses.

As for the pthalates-free plastic bit, I was at first worried about the material not because of chemicals or comfort but because of durability. I have sharp little teeth. Sir has often whacked m for biting him because my teeth have been sharp enough to inflict marks and bring up blood. I was worried that my teeth would be able to tear the plastic but after biting on it hard and chewing on it, I found it to be both durable and without indentation from my front teeth.

After passing all the tests of aesthetics, comfort and durability, I give the Black Rose Mouth Bit a 5 out of 5 stars! I love this gag recommend it heartily.