2012 Top Sex Blogger

Rori at Between the Sheets does a Top 100 Sex Blogger List every year and this year it would really be amazing to be nominated for that list!.

How do you do it?

Simply leave a comment on the Nomination Post or e-mail Rori at
rori at betweenmysheets dot com

Nominations close August 31st.

Once the 2012 list is given I will happily re-blog it here and more than happily celebrate with you, darling readers, if I'm on it.

So lets give it a try and show me some love, ok?

Domestic Submission

Ever wonder how you could use something as mundane as house cleaning and turn it into something exciting and kinky?

Check out my new article on SexIs Magazine from EdenFantasys - Domestic Submission!

High Protocol

Hey readers. I had a discussion a little while ago with a Dominant on the use and misuse of High Protocol in the scene (both online and off) and wanted to share my thoughts on the subject.

First, there are a few definitions of High Protocol I want to address before I explain my stance.

High protocol is a formalized way of doing things in a D/s or M/s relationship that can dictate everything from how a submissive sits, stands or walks to what he/she says to whom and how they act in public or private. Some view High Protocol as a very strict standard of BDSM relationships (not to say that this is a bad thing at all). There are other, probably better, definitions available on the fabulous interwebs and I encourage you to look into them for more detail.

Within Reality gives a great example of protocol in her article here

and of High Protocol, she says, 

“In high, using the bath example, I would present my Master a towel by kneeling before him, head bowed, eyes lowered and demurely offer to dry him off. This level is serious and formal. My Master has taken the words/thoughts from the Estate - 'Complete obedience, without delay, or hesitation is required. All nonessential movement, speech, and thought are unacceptable. There has to be the awareness that every move, answer and behavior is being carefully examined and judged.'

Some other examples of the different levels of protocol are I am allowed to sit on furniture during low. In medium I have to ask permission. In high I am not allowed on furniture.

In low - I must say yes Sir or even my Master's given name in some cases. It is yes Master always - unless with people who are not aware of our lifestyle, in medium. And in high protocol it is ALWAYS yes Master.”

I do have some experience with High Protocol with a past, online Dominant. This has colored my judgment on it a little but I feel I’m now better able to look at other High Protocol relationships more clearly now that time has passed.

With my Past Dom, who I will call TEM for now, practiced a formalized standard of BDSM offline with other submissives and slaves and saw no issue with training and treating me in the same manner online and over the phone. This might not have been a problem if we’d had a deeper relationship beforehand, as another Dominant recently pointed out, but, because we did not, I developed some issues in the relationship in being able to adhere to his standards.

TEM did teach me a lot of things however, such as basic definitions and structures of BDSM, he began my training in orgasm control, and taught me that no one wanted a door mat for a submissive and that being a strong woman was very important in general.

That all being said…

Some Pros and Cons (or better said the use and misuse) of High Protocol

I wanted to address an issue that a lot of people I’ve spoken to have had with High Protocol – Dominants who insist on being addressed as Sir/Ma’am or Master/Mistress either by other Dominants or by subs/slaves that are not their own.

This is a MISUSE of High Protocol. Just like anything else in the scene, even Titles must be at the consent of those giving the Title to a Dominant. I personally have an issue giving the title Sir/Ma’am to anyone who has not yet earned my respect as a Dominant. At first I thought it was just the Switch in me but then I realized, no, it’s a respect issue. Just because someone says they’re a Dominant of the highest caliber doesn’t mean they are and I might just want a little proof of that statement.

Also, calling another Dominant Master or Mistress is an outright No. I only have one Master, and that is Sir Phryxus, and I have one Mistress and that is Mistress Fenreya. Period. No one else has earned my trust to earn these titles and, besides, Daddy would be awfully pissed off is he ever heard me refer to another Dom as Master.

In the same way, I get a little miffed when someone, not my Daddy’s sub, calls him Master. They haven’t earned the right to call him that just as he hasn’t earned their trust to call him that either. It’s like a little calling every male they see in the scene Daddy or crawling in their lap (I’ve had issues with this before and it wasn’t pretty).

Oh, if you do see me refer to someone who is not my Master or Mistress as Master so-and-so or Mistress whatever, it is usually due to the fact that it’s a screen name online. Sorry if that’s confusing.

-climbs off my soapbox for a minute-

One of the great things about the proper use of High Protocol is the lifestyle it creates for the participating D/s couple. I was told of a couple that the Master literally has a manual for every task he demands of his slave from how to lay out his clothes in the morning to proper coffee service.

Being able to perform these tasks in a way laid out by my Dom would be very enriching and even empowering. It not only lets the sub please their Dom but also allows them to stay within their boundaries that are clearly laid out – no guess work involved.

Another form of High Protocol is ritualizing some tasks. Tea service can be quite beautiful and some Masters like for their slaves to learn formal tea service as a way to improve themselves not only in knowledge but manners and grace.

One could even say a collaring ceremony is a ritual of High Protocol in that it can be formalized and the Master can hold a high standard for the slave in actions, vows and contract.

Ahem –back on soapbox-

Another misuse of High Protocol is when Dominants or even other submissives expect slaves/subs to automatically know how to act in a High Protocol situation.

I’ve yet to see this in life but I see it online a lot. Going into a room that demonstrates High Protocol actions and expecting a new person just entering to know these things is a little immature. I’ve been chewed out and seen others reprimanded harshly for simply being ignorant of the rules of conduct in that room towards other Dominants or even other subs.

An issue that isn’t necessarily High Protocol but just an issue I see a lot in the scene is Dominants who feel they are King/Queen of the hill and that all subs are lowly and should automatically show respect.

This also falls into consent.

I’ve been overlooked, told that my opinion doesn’t matter, even booted form chatroom or ignored in real play parties because I have a collar or identified as a submissive at the time.

I’ve spoken about this before…and probably will again because it’s a big issue with me.

Just because we are subs doesn’t mean we are nothing. I don’t give anyone permission, not even my own Daddy, to treat me like I am worthless because I identify as someone who is submissive to 1 or 2 people.

I’m still a person and so is every other submissive on the planet and as a person I still require at least a small form of respect.

Just as not all Dominants are wonderful, Kingly, majestic, always right, and perfect. Sometimes they too are in the wrong and both the Dominant and the Submissive should be heard in any issue in the community.

-sits on my soapbox thinking-

I’m sure there are other issues to address here but I can’t think of any right now.

I do want to direct you, my dear reader, to read a greatarticle about Gor lifestyle. I used to be prejudice against Goreans because of the few I’d met online were a little…well…mean. I really enjoyed and learned a lot from this article though and am more than willing to give Gor a second chance. You should too if you’ve had the same prejudices or experiences as I have had.

Much love,

Lady Phryxus

New BDSM Lesson

Hello Readers,

For those of you who liked me reviews of the BDSM training classes for BDSM Training Academy I just received an e-mail from Mistress Sophia and Master Bishop that Bishop is now offering a new class - a Step-by-step BDSM lesson ^_^

The lesson is on When deciding on accepting a New Slave - as I am sure you can guess, this is for those training to be Dominant but is also a good read for slaves looking for new ways to add some protocol and experience to their relationship.

The lesson includes a list that Dominants should consider giving their subs/slaves to help set and keep boundaries:

• Location and time they should arrive
• What they should wear or not wear
• A list of 7 to 10 items that they need to memorize
• A list of positions that they need to know
• A list of things that they need to keep in mind (to not look you in the eyes, for example)
• A list of the ways they can address you during the session
• A list of things that you may do to them during the session (keeping it mild for the first time)

I though the lesson and the examples given were great and plan on showing it to Daddy to see if he would be interested in incorporating it into some of our lessons and play. 

If you're interested in something like this or in any other classes from Master Bishop or in How to train Submissives or Slaves, please check out their site and sign up to be a member of Discover BDSM Slave Training. 

Interview With Nic Buxom!

Nic Buxom is a 26 year old Pro-Switch and comic artist who "makes light of the inner workings of the dungeon and BDSM scene." She's been working at her local dungeon for 6 years now and creating her comic blog since 2009. She was gracious enough to take time out of her busy schedule to talk to me about her art, lifestyle and kink. I am a huge fan of her artwork (as I'm sure you've read before on a previous post) and enjoyed her candid responses and, as always, her great sense of humor. 

House Phryxus: In your comic, you show yourself as starting work as a Pro Domme because you were broke, a most noble reason. ^_^ However, what, besides money, has kept you in the business?

Nic: That I got involved in the Pro-Domme industry due only to money problems is half a joke. I WAS looking for a better paying job (retail is a monster) but I also desperately wanted to do something I enjoyed for a living. I was a lifestyle BDSM player before moving to pro so fetish and kink was something I did for pleasure, anyway. Why not get paid to do it? It's everyone's dream to do something they love for a living and working in a dungeon has been exactly that for me through the years. I'm very lucky to be able to say so.

HP: How did you come into the BDSM scene in the first place?

Nic: When I was in highschool I discovered I took pleasure in controlled pain. I had never heard of BDSM or anything of the like but I knew I was fascinated by bruises and liked the way they looked and felt, among other things. I had some friends who shared my interest and we began to explore practices that I now know fall into the BDSM and fetish realms, though at the time I was oblivious that there were people out there like me that shared these interests.

My best friend and I engaged in collar and leash play, puppy play, flogging, bondage and other common practices associated with BDSM. It wasn't until I got my first computer and gained access to the internet that my world was opened up and I realized there were societies full of people just like me. The web was a great tool for me to meet mentors and begin to explore other activities and play partners, as well as visiting my first dungeon!

HP:How did you train yourself as a Domme starting out or were you mentored?

Nic: When I began in the scene I was very submissive. I tried many activities from the bottom and learned from them. I thought I was going to be a submissive forever! I had no interest in topping. I was much more shy and introverted then and didn't get a rush from Domming like I did from being on the receiving end of pain and direction. Still, you can't help but learn in those situations. When I started as a pro I came in as a submissive. Both the Mistresses I worked with AND the clients helped me to learn and train to be an excellent Domme. I still love to switch, though I primarily Domme now. Some clients have been seeing me for years and have watched and helped me to develop. Many of these men gifted me some of my first tools that I now use extensively in topping, such as paddles and my extensive collection of TENS units (an electricity device I specialize with.) Absolutely the most helpful, though, has been the other women that I work with. The great thing about working in a dungeon, as opposed to working independently, is the wonderful family and society you grow with. We all teach and support each other and there are so many different talents to learn from, particularly ones very familiar with the pro-scene. It was essential to my personal growth (in and outside of my business) that I worked with such grand, eclectic ladies.

HP: As a Domme, do you own a slave or submissive outside of work?

Nic: I have never owned a personal slave or submissive because, to be honest, I have never had much time for it. I think it's a fallacy that a personal slave will make your life easier by handling everything for you. Sure, they can run errands and help out but there is still an exchange expected. Your slave cooks you dinner, you sit down and enjoy it and then you're expected to get back up and play with him/her and give her what she's in the relationship for. It's like any other "vanilla" relationship, everyone has to get something out of it. Slaves can be VERY demanding for your personal attentions and I just don't have time in my busy schedule to emotionally support another person. I know many of my clients consider themselves my personal slaves because they are very loyal but they still pay me for my time and so I still consider it business. Plus, I get to send them home afterwards with no hurt feelings and my time spent with them has a solid end point, agreed upon ahead of time. I never have to worry about them encroaching upon "me-time" or personal space. Some people like to engage in 24/7 BDSM relationships and that's great for the people it works for but I like to have my vanilla time when I'm not thinking about business and protocol.

HP: What advice would you give someone interested in becoming a ProDom or ProSub?

Nic: Firstly, this business is not for everyone. It sounds glamorous and easy on paper but I assure you it doesn't lend itself to everyone. If you want to work in the sex industry in any capacity you must, must, MUST be able to tell people "no." Sticking to your limits is so important for your comfort and self-worth and people are ALWAYS going to ask you to betray your morals, scruples and comfort zones. People who can't stand up for themselves and what they believe in will get taken advantage of and made miserable in an industry like this one.

Beyond that, don't bluff your way into the job. Alot of new Dommes want to preach about all the big names they've studied under and how great and amazing they are. Just stop. Get to know the tools for real. Study under a good mentor for real. And if and when you enter a dungeon or encounter other Dommes don't play "biggest Domme in the dungeon." What I mean is this isn't all about chest puffing and strutting. It's a mistake to think that Dominatrix's stalk about cutting people down with their words and whips. We're all real people outside of and beyond our work and should treat one another as such. When you get in the room with a client and he's paid for his time THEN you can throw on the persona! When you're just interacting with other workers and people outside of a scene then drop the attitude. And DON'T play with a tool you don't know. You'll hurt someone, and not in the fun way!

So, be strong-willed and respect yourself and your limits, really learn the tools and be courteous to others. If you put the time into this, like anything else, it will pay off and be a truly fun and rewarding business.

HP: In your comic you show the weirdest thing you’ve ever done at work, what was the most favorite scene you were ever paid to play in as a Dominatrix or submissive?

Nic: That's a toughie! I've had so many scenes that have tickled me in so many different ways. Some I enjoy more from a pleasurable aspect, some more out of humor, some out of ease.

If I had to pick one favorite I think it would be the night when a very familiar, regular client came in just before closing time. Everyone knew him and he was pretty indiscriminate about who he played with, or even what we did in session. He was a very submissive man who truly enjoyed seeing a Mistress take pleasure from him so he would do just about anything you wanted. (As a side note, many submissives claim to want to do whatever you want and then change their minds the moment you actually do what you like. It's typically bad form to leave a scene negotiation at "whatever you want" instead of being clear about limits and desires. Everyone has things they like and things they hate and it's important to communicate them for the safety and enjoyment of everyone involved.)

Since it was closing time there were only about 4 girls left, including the receptionist. Somehow it was arranged that the client would play with all 4 of us at once. We locked up and headed back to a playroom together. The scene consisted of us all dancing around to silly, bouncy songs on the radio, laughing and clapping while the client danced around with us, naked but for a sparkly tu-tu and headband. It barely felt like work and we all had a great time like it was one big party. The client took turns dancing with us while the rest watched, laughed and danced with one another. We did that until his credit card was declined.

HP: I love your comic, it’s so funny and light hearted. What got you into drawing your life as a Dominatrix?

Nic: I've always drawn. Even when I was a tiny child I drew on anything I could get my hands on. I was the kid who got in trouble for drawing in the margins of her homework (though my grades were still always exceptional.) I've also always loved comic books and have long been interested in writing/drawing one of my own. I decided that in order to practice and hone my skill I needed to start regularly drawing comics, even if they weren't any good to start. I didn't want to use any solid characters or ideas I had because I was too fanatical about character design and getting everything perfect so I knew I had to pick something I could play and tinker with, something light and easy to formulate content for, something I could draw swiftly. It was someone asking me to begin a blog about my Dominatrix work that gave me the idea... Why write a blog when I could illustrate a comic? I began NicBuxom purely as a pet-project! Something to practice. I thought I would move on when I was comfortable with the comic medium. Little did I know it would take off and become so dearly loved by many (including myself!)

NB has taken on a life of it's own. What started as purely humor and practice has become a platform for me to educate people about tolerance and other important issues, in a fun way. I write about my experiences as a Dominatrix as more than just education into the industry and lifestyle but with the underlying message that we're all people, we're all human, despite our differences. I hope I have alleviated people's fear of the unknown for more that just my lifestyle, but of the entire world around them.

HP: Many of your comics deal with accepting self image no matter weight, height and even hairiness. How have you come to be comfortable in your own skin and how does that help in your line of work as a Domme?

Nic: To be honest, starting working at my dungeon helped ALOT with my self-image and my development into the happy and confident woman I am today. I found that being surrounded by very outspoken, strong-willed, beautiful women of all shapes and sizes really helped to change my attitudes. They were the stepping stone and the booster I needed to realize that just because you don't fit the societal depictions of beauty DOES NOT mean you are not beautiful. And it doesn't hurt to have clients that worship you like a queen, either!

One absolutely needs to be confident to work in the sex industry. You have ALOT to deal with specifically regarding your body, personal space, comfort zones etc so you need to be able to say "no" and value yourself no matter what.

HP: On your blog, you are selling “The Things You Love Are Monstrous”, an art book created by yourself and MC Griffin. Do you ever plan to sell a book of comic compilations?

Nic: First, let me say that MC Griffin is an outstanding artist and that if you can look up more of his work, you should. He's been my friend a long time and we collaborate frequently, though "The Things You Love..." is our only attempt at publishing together.

As for a personal collection, I've long and hard considered it. I admit, I've become quite comfortable in the webcomic medium and that "The Things You Love..." was a way for me to test the waters on interest in my work in a more physical, tangible form. I don't feel that a hardcopy of NicBuxom would do well, considering all of the content is free online. Sure, I would offer never before seen sketches but I don't agree that that is incentive enough for a publication to be worth my time and money right now. Were I to publish, I think I would publish a collection of sketches or pin-up style unique characters. Something from me you couldn't see anywhere else and as a taste of the further extent of my work. For now, I have no intentions of doing a hardcopy publication but you never know what the future holds...

HP: Your blog and comics show your travels across the United Stated for personal and work reasons. Have you found that areas differ on how they view your line of work?

Nic: I have not worked very frequently outside of LA so don't take my impressions as an authority on any other region. The number one thing I have noted is that (surprisingly) many areas do much more "hardcore" play than we do here in LA. My dungeon is a legal business and so we abide by the laws of our city. We are particularly careful to abide by prostitution and obscenity laws in my place of business. When I travel I get asked for much more wild play and often things outside of my personal comfort zone. I've nothing against girls who engage in prostitution but I personally chose not to. I've been asked much more frequently in other states if I am a "full service" Dominatrix and the East coast has a higher interest in scat and other play involving bodily fluids and functions. Many of the women I've worked with who were first Mistresses in New York are shocked by the softer interests in LA. It's more my style out here but maybe it's just because this is the scene I've been raised in.

What I'm particularly surprised by in other areas is that people have no concept of what a Dominatrix is. I don't expect anyone to know the ins-and-outs of my business and I understand better than anyone that there are many misconceptions but for someone to have NO concept at all doesn't make sense to me. Our media consistently portrays BDSM activities. Look at any of your favorite pop artists music videos. There's bondage, spanking, latex, crops, ball-gags, puppy play and more. Not to mention our media, movies, radio etc. I expect someone to at least get "whips and chains" coming to mind when they hear Dominatrix but I've met many people who needed a full explanation and could hardly believe I wasn't weaving them a fairy tale!

HP: You’ve been to a few different adult conventions, which was your favorite? Why?

Nic: It used to be AdultCon. When I first started at these conventions they were busy, people were friendly and I'd prance about the whole day getting lots of attention and selling lots of product. There was also plenty to see and lots of fun goodie bags. Unfortunately, lately with the economy the way it is and other factors the old AdultCon scene has become abit tired and much smaller. Suddenly the crowd is different, too, and while I'm very tolerant by nature and practice I've still noticed the ratio of creeps has grown much higher. (I even had a small stalking scare...)

My new (and unexpected) favorite has been HempCon! I don't smoke marijuana and I've never even tried it so when I was first assigned a HempCon job I had a bad attitude about it. I thought I wouldn't be able to associate and make a connection with the people there and that there wouldn't be anything interesting for me to see. While it's true that the hordes of friendly offers to share a smoke are wasted upon me there, I was proven wrong about the people and convention itself. Vendor and attendee alike were overall very easy to get along with and very friendly. The people are what really make a good time at a convention but there's lots of amusing things to peruse, as well, even for a non-smoker like me.

HP: What can we expect from your comic and blog this year?

Nic: This year there are alot of personal changes in my life and so I know those will be reflected in the comic.

I'm planning to move into my own place (for the first time!) with my boyfriend and take on new business ventures. I'll likely be doing some independent Dominatrix work outside of my dungeon and I've also recently begun cam and phone work, something completely new to me. I expect these new venues to give me loads of new script ideas for NicBuxom and expand the realm of sex-industry that I've thus-far explored. I may even take on some vanilla work again (which I haven't done in over 6 years) and I know I'll have alot to say about that. I may have some retail complaints that more people can associate with! But worry not, the main focus will still be BDSM.

I hope to also have some more artwork up for sale as I'm beginning to expand onto painting wood cut-outs that I'll proudly be sharing on NicBuxom (and maybe even displaying at future conventions!)

HP: What plans do you have for your Dominatrix career in the year 2012?

Nic: This year has been hard (already.) The economy is at its worst in my lifetime and our industry is suffering for it. We dungeon girls are feeling it just like the rest of the world because our clients are feeling it. Even my regulars are cutting back on their visits this year. Because of this I'm expanding outside of my dungeon. I'm exploring more independent work, I'm doing some online fetish and photo sales, I'm taking phone and webcam sessions. I'm even looking into starting up a personal paysite with monthly memberships to host my photos and video and to make myself more available to fans who can't reach me in the dungeon. I'm excited to explore these new tools. I've seen many of my coworkers utilize them over the years but I've always stayed in the comfort zone of my dungeon. Now, however, times have forced me to branch out but I'm hoping it will be a good thing! I'll still be available at my dungeon, I'm not letting go of it that easily. This is place is too big a part of who I am and what I want out of my life.

My Pink and Purple LoliFlog

A while back I posted that I had received a new flogger from toy creator MzBitch of Sensuous Bliss
Well, Sir Phryxus and I finally got a chance to use it July 14th at the local play party.

My pink and purple leather flogger, which I have dubbed the LoliFlog, received a lot of attention and admiration from the community Saturday night. The few who asked to check it out all said it looked pretty and painful. This, I can now testify, is the truth.

The flogger is made of leather (I'm assuming cow hide, because I wasn't informed otherwise) dyed pink and purple and knotted with silver plastic beads at the end of each of the 42 tails. It is not a cat-o-nine as many people called it at the party...a Cat-o-nine has NINE tails >.<

At the suspension rig and, later at the St. Andrew's Cross, Daddy warmed me up with our other 2 customer floggers from Toolworks Chicago, which I am used to, then brought out my LoliFlog. Even going easy, the silvery beads and knots at the end make sure to grab my attention. As the throws grew harder and heavier, I could feel each bead against my skin and, even though Daddy made sure not to mark me right away, I could feel heated welts from each sting form as the beating went on along my shoulders, back, hips, ass, thighs and even between my legs.
Warning: This toy is not for a beginner masochist.

Daddy's comment on using the flogger was "it seems to hold up well its pretty lite which I'm not use to so controlling how hard it hits is hard. All in all it was good, though it seemed like it would be nice and stingy." I agreed.

The only issue I had with the flogger was that it did have some glue flakes on the strands here and there that had to be pinched off and caused minor discoloration and there is a piece of leather on the handle that feels a little loosely glued but didn't seem to get any looser after use, so it should be fine.

All in all, the LoliFlog gets a 5 star rating from me. I can't wait to have it used on me again ^_^

Lady Phryxus

Anchorage AK Munch

Went to the Anchorage Munch…well, it was actually a Coffee since it was held at Barnes & Noble. I was a little overwhelmed at first because it was easily three times or more bigger than the last munch we went to but I was told that this is the most that anyones seen show up in a long time and it could be due to a play party coming up and everyone wants to be remembered so they can go.

Despite the size, everyone was super nice. Both Sir and I felt very welcome and everyone we spoke to was very interesting.

The bulk of the time we spent sitting with one of the event coordinators who did a run down of the rules – which were very basic and common sense like don’t touch other peoples toys, no alcohol, don’t be a douche sort of things.

I’m actually really glad they make a point of meeting everyone before they allow them at a play party. It makes me feel a lot safer knowing that everyone has had some form of screening and knows the rules. I also like that there will be 3 photographers and they will take a picture if you ask – this prevents pictures of people who are more private from being leaked.

I still have to talk to the group leaders about blogging about the party or any upcoming events. I feel like I should have an immediate disclaimer – I am Soooo Blogging This! – but even I, in my excitement, am smart enough to know not to describe people or give out any names when it’s not wanted.

I’ll let you know how the play party goes…if I’m allowed ^_~

Xoxo

Mimi