I've been asked a lot lately, "How are you doing?"
I thought I would take the opportunity to answer now that I've had some time to think about it and about what to say without stirring the cauldron of drama and naming names maliciously.
Being hurt by someone I was once friends with is never easy nor is it ever taken lightly. Being made to question my own partnerships, my own personal image as to whether or not I am sexually attractive, and having my self esteem crushed was even harder to manage. I felt that just as I was able to climb out of that pit I was tripped into another one by a friend who pretended to care - even to the point that on the same day she left me high and dry, she showed concern over my well-being since I had just received news of a family member dying. Looking back on it, it would have been kinder for her to be honest in not giving a damn about me.
Honesty is something to value. Maturity is even better. By maturity, I mean that if a person has a problem or complication they have the gumption to speak to the person they have a problem with and at least give them a heads up that there is indeed a problem. Maturity is not shown by pretending that everything is ok then running away from the situation first chance available.
I've not been entirely sure how to handle the situation as far as the community goes. I made those closest to me, my House, and a few other friends aware of the situation. I knew there would be questions and even backlash.
As we moved in with DeviousKitty (Rika Phryxus) and Smacks Her Ass, and as I focused on work at the local renaissance faire, I tried not to think too much about what had happened or what would be said.
Problems with people in a community, even one as small as ours, can be very difficult to manage.
Not only am I trying not to deal with turmoil from this situation but there are others that my family is trying to navigate around conscientiously.
When knowledge of a woman in the community who has an STI and a friend is now having to get tested because her ex contracted it while cheating on her comes up...it's hard to figure out how to handle that with the delicacy necessary. In the end, I can only make those in my House aware to ensure their health and safety and hope that the community practices the safety and health practices we preach so often online.
It is the same when a known rapist, who sadly, due to how our court system is managed, only received a misdemeanor, is part of the community. As a survivor of an unconvicted rapist, it makes me angry...nauseated that there is one in this community as well as the one I came from. Yet again, however, the most I can do is warn those closest then hope that the community will take care of themselves and each other.
Sadly, it doesn't seem that every community has the desire to care and take care. Many communities are ripped apart over rumors, petty differences, libel, break-ups in relationships, and in some cases out-right lies and disrespect. I've seen it so many times. It is very saddening to me. The Kink and BDSM community world-wide is so small...not to mention smaller factions such as age play and leather. To have them divided when they should stand together in solidarity is, again, sad.
Sir and I and House Phryxus are having fun running a few small events and coffees sporadically. We were asked, before we started, is there anyone we don't want at our events. We said, we don't want anyone that isn't safe (thus the vetting process of making sure that attendees are not convicted rapists or known for harming another person without consent). Outside of the safety precaution, and any age limitations that might be made due to the type of event (TNG groups are 18-39) then everyone is welcome.
I remarked, "Just because I don't like someone personally doesn't mean they cannot attend and hang out with friends. They can go to the events, I just won't be inviting them to my birthday party."
In the end though, to answer your question of How I'm Doing...
I'm ok. I have a husband who is doing his best to take care of me. I have a girlfriend who's chivalry and gallantry over the last 9 or so days would make any girl feel spoiled and happy. I have an amazing lil sis and her Daddy who are the best friends anyone could ask for. I have a support network of those closest to me in the community that I love dearly.
To all the members of House Phryxus
To the Fox Den
To Althena, ShibariPyro, RedWarrior
To Glacier's Edge Pack
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart