10 New Years Resolutions for 2013

Happy New Years Everyone!
I hope everyone had a wonderful 2012, survived the various ends of the worlds, learned something new, and had a good time experimenting.

I thought I would share with everyone my Kinky New Years Resolutions. This was inspired by the New Years Resolutions from Em & and Lo.

1. Have more sex.
This sounds silly but in point of fact sex is super healthy! It helps to bond with my romantic partners, burns calories, creates good-mood chemicals in the brain, and it's fun! What's not to like?
If you're looking for ways to improve your sex life try Essence's 10 Sexy New Years Resolutions. There are some great tips in there.

2. Communicate.
I recently read Pagan Polyamory by Raven Kaldera (review coming soon) and I have learned a lot about communication for me and my partners I can't wait to put into play in 2013.
Communication is important for any relationship, no matter if it is is monogamous, D/s, or poly or a combination of any. This may not seem kinky or sexy, but make up sex really isn't as fun as truly enjoying your partners and not trying to kiss away the boo boos of your words.

3. Enjoy more toys.
More toy enjoyment means more reviews which means more blogging fun for 2013. I have a box of sex toys waiting on me and a few toys I've used that I've delayed in writing reviews on for to long. Be ready or 2013 to be riddled with dildos and vibrators, strap ons and floggers, lube and gags and blindfolds. I'm ready, are you?

4. Hand over the pen...er...keyboard.
That's right. I won't be the only one pouring over this blog. It is no longer my baby, though I will still be lead writer. My family has taken over and instead of being Mimi's BDSM Bloggery, this is now the home of House Phryxus. You will be hearing more from Sir Phryxus and other members of our house including PunkyPup, our latest and greatest addition.

5. Go to more events.
More munches, dungeons, parties, beatings, and more.
I want to immerse myself in the dark world of BDSM and really get the enjoyment out of watching and being among others of similar mindset. I love these events and I have got to start making time and budgeting for them.

6. Write an Ebook
I keep saying I'm going to and keep making notes and lists and more for them but keep leaving it all by the wayside and never getting it done. This year, I'm going to write an e-book for this blog. Keep an eye out for it.

7. Get my hands dirty
And before you go there...I mean by being more proactive in the BDSM and Poly community. Volunteer and help with events, see what I can to to get Erotication out there, and educate myself on more aspects of it.

8. More Interviews
I have a list...have had a list for all of 2012 of people to interview and articles to write. I just never got around to it. It's on my blogging priority list and I can't wait to introduce you to some of these fantastic people.

9. Read more
I have a looooong list of books I want to read in 2013. I plan on reviewing all of the ones I do read. There's just so much out there. Some of the books include Dark Moon Rising by Raven Kaldera, the rest of the Wolf Tales series by Kate Douglas, and who knows, maybe I'll trying and figure out the 50 Shades of Gray hype.

10. Experiment with other kinks and fetishes.
I love human buffets and flogging but what about dollification, burlesque dancing, and in-depth tantra? So much to try and only 365 days to do it in.

I hope your new years resolutions are fun and make them something you can stick to in 2013. Don't stress over weight, instead, try and sex diet or simply look into some plus size lingerie that really shows off your assets. There's no point in stressing about what you did or didn't do in 2012, live for the day and plan for the 'morrow with a smile.
For more about Resolutions and Goals, check out The Submissive Guide's Article about Goal Setting.

A Whisper in the Dark...

Hello my darling readers,

It has been a while - almost over 2 months, since I last posted.

Many of you follow me on Fetlife and know whats going on - Sir Phrxus, PunkyPup and I are taking a short break from the community to work on some personal stuff.

I'm going back to school and Pup and Daddy are working for a guy up here in AK that is starting a new restaurant and so that will be taking up much of their time.

HOWEVER

We will be back soon.
I am taking the time this holiday to revamp, rewrite, renew the blog and I am very excited about the changes we are making to it.

Yes WE

Not only will you still have the articles and reviews by yours truly but I will have a co-blogger and more pictures and what not.

There will be changes to the layout, style, affiliations, and more.
I'm hoping to make the blog easier to navigate and more pleasing to read and look at.

The changes and new posts will be up some time after the new year. No set date yet.

I hope you all are as excited as I am.

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LadyPhryxus

Loving Good Clean Love

Good Clean Love Personal Lubricant in “Almost Naked” states on the bottle “Recommended by Medical Professionals” and I would also like to add highly recommended by this Sexpert.

This lube is 95% organic, certified by the NOP, Oregon Tilth, with an ingredient list that includes aloe juice, xanthum gum, citric acid, and natural flavor. When I first read it, I was reminded of the ingredients list on a pack of candy. A larger spot on the label proudly pronounces the makers of Good Clean Love as a member of the Organic TradeAssociation. The product is also 100% vegan, cruelty free and safe to use with latex and silicone toys. If that doesn’t steal your heart, the part that stole mine was the label stating “No Petrochemicals, No Parabens, No Glycerin.”

As a person with a list of allergies a mile long, and getting longer every year, I was thrilled to find Good Clean Love. I’ve tried lubricants in the past, when I first started having sex, and had a really bad scare when everything broke out on me after using some basic KY jelly. I went to the doctor who assured me I didn’t have a STI and asked if I had tried anything new. I told her and she proclaimed my allergy. I later learned I have this reaction with anything petroleum based and have shunned lube since. Nearly four years later, I gave Good Clean Love a try and am so happy I did.

The lube is thick and only a little sticky. The bottle says, “Naturally Moist, Sensuously Smooth, Long Lasting,” and I agree. The lube doesn’t leave a greasy or oil feel and washes off easily with water.

It doesn’t have much of a taste, just a weird texture to the mouth. I’ve not drank aloe juice alone before but I’m sure it tastes about the same. There are two other flavors of Good Clean Love lubricant - Lavender Rose and Cinnamon Vanilla.

I've used Good Clean Love during sex and with toys and found the lube to be great in both situations. I don’t normally need lube during intercourse but found the addition to make the experience luxurious and wonderfully wet. My husband also thought it was a good idea to use it and loved the fact that using lube allowed him to go for longer without making me uncomfortable.

With toys, I used the lube on Boxie the Fox and was surprised that I could take the knot quickly and easily, rather than minutes of thrusting it in different directions until it pressed its way through. A friend of mine I used Boxie and the lube on was blindfolded and didn’t believe she’d actually taken the knot without some insistence on my part after. The lube certainly did its job there.

I had originally bought Good Clean Love lube on a whim at the local super market after receiving the Kobe Tai anal adventure kit from EdenFantasys. The lube in it wasn’t something I trusted using but I knew if I was going to take a plug or beads anally I would need lube. I’d read about Good Clean Love in other reviews and decided to give it a try.

Using it anally was a strange experience for an anal virgin. Lube in an otherwise unused area is a feeling altogether alien but I soon learned to enjoy it as my husband applied it liberally to me and to the plug he used. The lube did a great job and I don’t plan on playing out back without it. 

In all, I give the lube 5 out of 5 stars! I highly recommend this product, even if you don't have allergy issues. 

Kobe Tai Anal Adventure Review

The Kobe Tai beginner’s anal adventure kit appealed to me because I am just that, a beginner. My husband has wanted me to try anal since we started having sex four years ago. I’ve tried but I can never seem to relax enough to accommodate any more than the tip of his finger. When I saw the kit on EdenFantasys, I loved the variety…and that it was purple, my favorite color.

I brought the idea of reviewing the kit up to my husband, as I was afraid of receiving the toys for review and then being unable to review them at all...due to past experiences of saying I was ready and not being able to have anal sex mostly due to what my husband calls "spazzing out at the good part." He assuaged my fears and I requested the kit.

Like any other EdenFantasys' product, the kit came in a discretely marked box but I was surprised at how huge it was. All of the toys are in a very long, plastic display case with a Taiwanese model, Kobe Tai, in a skimpy outfit on the front. I would say the packaging of the product is not discreet at all, nor would it close completely once opened. So, we disposed of it rather promptly, opting for our toy bag to keep the toys in.

Plugged In

The kit includes 2 butt-plugs, one of which I believe is more of a stretcher as it is slender and widens as it nears the base instead of bulges large enough to remain inside. The stretcher is made of rubber and the other, which is what I would normally call a plug as it is bulging and then tapers for the rectal muscles to close on and hold, is soft and made of pthalate-free jelly.

I tried the jelly plug first and wished I had opted for the rubber stretcher instead and recommend this to other users. The stretcher is easier for a beginner to start out with, as it is a gradual stretching of the opening rather than an abrupt filling, then a sort of “pop” as the sphincter closes over the bulge.

Once in, the plugs create a sensation that isn’t unpleasant, if a little alien. Eventually, I seemed to get used to it and it felt pleasurable, if not orgasm-inducing. I give the plugs by themselves a 3 out of 5 stars, as the fun mostly lies in my husband making my body relax enough to take the plug and not in wearing the plug itself.

Probed

Also included is a set of jelly anal beads that are surprisingly firm. I had thought, since they were made of jelly, the beads would be squishy like the plug. Instead, they were more akin to a hard plastic. The whole length is also ridged with seams around the beads, which are not aesthetically pleasing but not big enough to feel when in play. Also, I have been informed by another sex toy reviewer that the seams on the beads are unsafe due to the fact that they can cause minuscule tears on the rectum and anus.
The beads graduate in size, and the last four are quite large. I don’t recommend using the last three, as they make for a better handle than an insertion point. Once inside, I did have a bit of a giggle at the way the beads looked hanging out. At first, we likened it to a stubby tail but the more I looked at it, the more it made me think of an improperly placed antenna and I made the comment that I felt like I was being probed, which made my husband and I both giggle. 

My husband and girlfriend also learned that the beads make a great small impact toy. This was almost certainly not what the beads were initially intended for but we had a lot of fun implementing them in some light spank play. In all I give the beads a 2 out of 5 stars as I have seen beads that are a single piece of silicone without ridges that collect any sort of bacterial-creating matter and no threat of tearing. 

I wanted to add that, since the beads are made of pthalate-free jelly like the aforementioned butt plug, they are considered not as chemically safe as silicone. This should be taken into account if you are sensitive to this sort of thing. Silicone would be a better alternative. 

Sensual Roller Coaster

My favorite part of the kit was the 6 inch metal vibrator and its 2 sleeves. Ironically, I don’t enjoy vibration anally, but for those who do, this vibe is something I would recommend…if you like power. This is no wimpy bullet, but a strong buzz that even when I inserted vaginally, I felt through my vaginal walls to my tailbone and buzzed against the bed. Thankfully, it has a gradual setting change so the speeds can be adjusted by a swivel at the base of the vibrator, which is not black as seen in the below picture but clear plastic that shows purple beneath.

The sleeves are made of rubber, according to the kit papers. I also prefer them vaginally as they, with the vibrator, have quite a thick girth and not a lot of give or squish. Their ridges and bumps are amazing and they, with the vibe, have become one of my favorite toys, sensation wise. The longer sleeve with the rounded bumps was rather difficult to slide on the vibrator, however, and could have been made to fit better. As it is, this sleeve needs lube. 

I recommend the vibrator and sleeves for double penetration (vagina and anal) with your man (or woman, if you enjoy strap on play). Having him behind with the sleeved vibrator in front is a sensual roller-coaster…especially when he has control of the vibrator speed.

The kit comes with Doc Johnson anal lube as well as the toys. However, I sadly could not review the lube in action. I will say that the no-mess bottle was a great idea. It’s a pump action with a small spout that only gives a dollop of lube at a time, which is all that is needed during most play. The lube is thick and sticky, silicone-based, and condom-safe. I recommend it for those of you who don’t have allergies…like me.

If you’re wondering, yes, I did use lube, and I recommend that anyone interested in anal do so whether you’re a beginner or an anal academic or practically a pornographic expert. More on the kind of lube I used in a later review.

For all of the toys involved, I recommend using a condom for easy clean up after anal sex and if you plan on using the toys both anally and vaginally as the materials are porous and not safe to use that way otherwise. The condom also helps with the anal beads and not getting bits of "yuck" along the bead seams. I also recommend obtaining a container for them, even if it's a simple freezer bag that is later tossed in a larger toy bag or chest. Various toy bags and toy boxes can also be found on EdenFantasys. 

In total, I give the entire kit a whopping 4 out of 5 stars. In all I had a fabulous time reviewing these toys and I plan to make at least one or two of them a regular addition to my masturbatory practice and sex life. 

2012 Top Sex Blogger

Rori at Between the Sheets does a Top 100 Sex Blogger List every year and this year it would really be amazing to be nominated for that list!.

How do you do it?

Simply leave a comment on the Nomination Post or e-mail Rori at
rori at betweenmysheets dot com

Nominations close August 31st.

Once the 2012 list is given I will happily re-blog it here and more than happily celebrate with you, darling readers, if I'm on it.

So lets give it a try and show me some love, ok?

Domestic Submission

Ever wonder how you could use something as mundane as house cleaning and turn it into something exciting and kinky?

Check out my new article on SexIs Magazine from EdenFantasys - Domestic Submission!

High Protocol

Hey readers. I had a discussion a little while ago with a Dominant on the use and misuse of High Protocol in the scene (both online and off) and wanted to share my thoughts on the subject.

First, there are a few definitions of High Protocol I want to address before I explain my stance.

High protocol is a formalized way of doing things in a D/s or M/s relationship that can dictate everything from how a submissive sits, stands or walks to what he/she says to whom and how they act in public or private. Some view High Protocol as a very strict standard of BDSM relationships (not to say that this is a bad thing at all). There are other, probably better, definitions available on the fabulous interwebs and I encourage you to look into them for more detail.

Within Reality gives a great example of protocol in her article here

and of High Protocol, she says, 

“In high, using the bath example, I would present my Master a towel by kneeling before him, head bowed, eyes lowered and demurely offer to dry him off. This level is serious and formal. My Master has taken the words/thoughts from the Estate - 'Complete obedience, without delay, or hesitation is required. All nonessential movement, speech, and thought are unacceptable. There has to be the awareness that every move, answer and behavior is being carefully examined and judged.'

Some other examples of the different levels of protocol are I am allowed to sit on furniture during low. In medium I have to ask permission. In high I am not allowed on furniture.

In low - I must say yes Sir or even my Master's given name in some cases. It is yes Master always - unless with people who are not aware of our lifestyle, in medium. And in high protocol it is ALWAYS yes Master.”

I do have some experience with High Protocol with a past, online Dominant. This has colored my judgment on it a little but I feel I’m now better able to look at other High Protocol relationships more clearly now that time has passed.

With my Past Dom, who I will call TEM for now, practiced a formalized standard of BDSM offline with other submissives and slaves and saw no issue with training and treating me in the same manner online and over the phone. This might not have been a problem if we’d had a deeper relationship beforehand, as another Dominant recently pointed out, but, because we did not, I developed some issues in the relationship in being able to adhere to his standards.

TEM did teach me a lot of things however, such as basic definitions and structures of BDSM, he began my training in orgasm control, and taught me that no one wanted a door mat for a submissive and that being a strong woman was very important in general.

That all being said…

Some Pros and Cons (or better said the use and misuse) of High Protocol

I wanted to address an issue that a lot of people I’ve spoken to have had with High Protocol – Dominants who insist on being addressed as Sir/Ma’am or Master/Mistress either by other Dominants or by subs/slaves that are not their own.

This is a MISUSE of High Protocol. Just like anything else in the scene, even Titles must be at the consent of those giving the Title to a Dominant. I personally have an issue giving the title Sir/Ma’am to anyone who has not yet earned my respect as a Dominant. At first I thought it was just the Switch in me but then I realized, no, it’s a respect issue. Just because someone says they’re a Dominant of the highest caliber doesn’t mean they are and I might just want a little proof of that statement.

Also, calling another Dominant Master or Mistress is an outright No. I only have one Master, and that is Sir Phryxus, and I have one Mistress and that is Mistress Fenreya. Period. No one else has earned my trust to earn these titles and, besides, Daddy would be awfully pissed off is he ever heard me refer to another Dom as Master.

In the same way, I get a little miffed when someone, not my Daddy’s sub, calls him Master. They haven’t earned the right to call him that just as he hasn’t earned their trust to call him that either. It’s like a little calling every male they see in the scene Daddy or crawling in their lap (I’ve had issues with this before and it wasn’t pretty).

Oh, if you do see me refer to someone who is not my Master or Mistress as Master so-and-so or Mistress whatever, it is usually due to the fact that it’s a screen name online. Sorry if that’s confusing.

-climbs off my soapbox for a minute-

One of the great things about the proper use of High Protocol is the lifestyle it creates for the participating D/s couple. I was told of a couple that the Master literally has a manual for every task he demands of his slave from how to lay out his clothes in the morning to proper coffee service.

Being able to perform these tasks in a way laid out by my Dom would be very enriching and even empowering. It not only lets the sub please their Dom but also allows them to stay within their boundaries that are clearly laid out – no guess work involved.

Another form of High Protocol is ritualizing some tasks. Tea service can be quite beautiful and some Masters like for their slaves to learn formal tea service as a way to improve themselves not only in knowledge but manners and grace.

One could even say a collaring ceremony is a ritual of High Protocol in that it can be formalized and the Master can hold a high standard for the slave in actions, vows and contract.

Ahem –back on soapbox-

Another misuse of High Protocol is when Dominants or even other submissives expect slaves/subs to automatically know how to act in a High Protocol situation.

I’ve yet to see this in life but I see it online a lot. Going into a room that demonstrates High Protocol actions and expecting a new person just entering to know these things is a little immature. I’ve been chewed out and seen others reprimanded harshly for simply being ignorant of the rules of conduct in that room towards other Dominants or even other subs.

An issue that isn’t necessarily High Protocol but just an issue I see a lot in the scene is Dominants who feel they are King/Queen of the hill and that all subs are lowly and should automatically show respect.

This also falls into consent.

I’ve been overlooked, told that my opinion doesn’t matter, even booted form chatroom or ignored in real play parties because I have a collar or identified as a submissive at the time.

I’ve spoken about this before…and probably will again because it’s a big issue with me.

Just because we are subs doesn’t mean we are nothing. I don’t give anyone permission, not even my own Daddy, to treat me like I am worthless because I identify as someone who is submissive to 1 or 2 people.

I’m still a person and so is every other submissive on the planet and as a person I still require at least a small form of respect.

Just as not all Dominants are wonderful, Kingly, majestic, always right, and perfect. Sometimes they too are in the wrong and both the Dominant and the Submissive should be heard in any issue in the community.

-sits on my soapbox thinking-

I’m sure there are other issues to address here but I can’t think of any right now.

I do want to direct you, my dear reader, to read a greatarticle about Gor lifestyle. I used to be prejudice against Goreans because of the few I’d met online were a little…well…mean. I really enjoyed and learned a lot from this article though and am more than willing to give Gor a second chance. You should too if you’ve had the same prejudices or experiences as I have had.

Much love,

Lady Phryxus