I have always believed that the worst thing you can do when you first pick up a book is to judge it by its cover. So, naturally, when I picked up 'Wet', that is exactly what I did - I thought it was gonna be good.
'Wet', by Noir Le Chat, is a collection of erotic stories. On the back cover, it reads "Author Noir Le Chat has put together one nightcap for each night of the week with a use of metaphors that are intellectually erotic and undeniably unique."
I was rather intrigued by the wording of "intellectually erotic" and "undeniably unique", so I started to read. The first thing that I realized was that Noir Le Chat was not kidding about the use of metaphors. When I read that, I was thinking there would be maybe one or two
metaphors, perhaps between a teacher and a naughty student (Hee hee), but alas, I was incorrect. What she meant is that every story was going to be written like a metaphor.
For example, the first story. "The Conversation" is about how this woman is incredibly turned on by this man's conversation and voice. 'Alright,' I thought to myself, 'this could get good.'
Ms. Le Chat proceeds to use the conversation bit throughout the story - when the woman begins oral sex on the man, she is described as using her "persuasive words" and that as his flavor "spoke back" to her, it let her know that "he understood and enjoyed her conversation".
His penis is then described as a "hardened story". As she deep throats him, Ms. Le Chat describes it as "wanting to get her full point across." And when he finally cums - that is written as her tongue being overflowed with wet words. As the characters further their
conversation, his penis is yet again described as a "hardened story", and the female character is placed against the wall as they prepare for "his next topic of discussion." And when they finally do start to have sex, his strokes are not actual strokes, but rather "new
sentences." Her climax is not an actual climax either, but rather an applause to show him how much she enjoyed his narrative.
And then there is the fourth story to consider, "The best advice I ever received."
OH DEAR SWEET GOD DID THIS STORY MAKE ME WANT TO VOMIT.
It starts out surprisingly normal. We are introduced to our female character, who is anxiously attempting to register for some form of placement test, and has contacted several school counselors concerning it. She finally gets in contact with one, meets with him, and goes to
an orientation meeting about the test where he will be speaking. Surprise, surprise, this gentleman is not only described as being an "Adonis", but as having a "distinguished, sexy voice."
And then we get to the "erotic" part, aka the part that not only gave poor Aconita a headache but also made her want to puke. ):
As you have probably guessed by now, the particular metaphors used in this story are advice, counsel and orator. She enters his office wanting some further advice and counsel on speaking, which naturally leads them to getting it on.
He proceeds to go down on her, and that is where everything goes to hell.
His going down on her is described as a 'lecture' that truly deserved a 'standing ovation when all was said and done.'
And when she pulls down his pants and starts to perform oral on him, not only is his dick described as being 'advice and wisdom', Ms. Le Chat writes the oral as 'I bent over swallowing every bit of his advice, hoping that he would be as pleased with my oral performance as I
was with his. He placed his hands on my head guiding me back and forth with the precise skillfulness and helped me choose just the right text. I wanted this to be a speech that he would never forget as I spoke into his microphone. The wet spoken flow I tasted coming from
his mic onto my tongue let me know he was proud of his student and that I was now schooling him.'
The advice continues, and they get ready to have intercourse. His penis is again described as advice, and every stroke as a lesson. Their climax is described as 'the ringing of the bell', 'passing the test' and 'class being let out', along with being 'his final point' and her being
an 'exceptional student.'
To make a long story short, this collection sucked. It is definitely unique, and the premise is interesting, but in my opinion, Ms. Le Chat takes the use of metaphors way too far. It is one thing to have a character use a metaphor a couple of times in the story, but to make
everything a metaphor is just too much. This collection might appeal to some people, but not me. I give 'Wet' a 1/5.
Until next time,