Thursday, November 10, 2011

An Essay on Discipline

CuddleBear also wrote an article about why punishment is just as important and reward in the age play scene.
I admit, I thought hard about not showing this article to my Daddy. There was even some discussion on the age^play chat about it. I eventually gave in and read the essay to Daddy and we agreed on its importance.

Daddy doesn’t punish me by spankings normally (unless we’re being kinky). My discipline comes in the form of corner time. I am my own worst disciplinarian (my years of criticism from my mother and my own high-strung personality punishes me in ways Daddy never could or would) so corner time makes me sit and think about what I have done and by the end of the allotted time I am practically screaming mea culpas.

CuddleBear explains why punishment is necessary in not only taking care of the little but also in developing trust and respect. He also explains that all punishable offenses should be known early in the relationship and what the punishments are – any parent knows to set boundaries. All children (adult or otherwise) will push boundaries but should know what will happen so there are no surprises or border-line abuse.

An important part of the article is that ignoring the little as a form of punishment can be detrimental not only to the little’s mental health but also to the relationship:
“It is only (semi)effective as a punishment because the mental anguish, love-loss, and abandonment it brings on are so devastating! But every time it is done it 1) decreases their feelings of self-worth (which you will then have to spend time building back up so hey, guess what…you're now putting in overtime and the "time ignored" is wiped off the clock anyhow.) 2) For littles with extreme abandonment issues, every time you do this it only increases their resolve to look for a happier place. Eventually well...guess what they will be doing for those "48 hours of punishment" when you are not there guiding and helping them? Yes, looking for a Parent who won't mess with their minds.”

The Point System

CuddleBear explains the system of reward and punishment he uses for online relationships:

“I now use (for online or long-distance relationships mostly) a system I call "good-girl points". Some nice prize (A pair of feety jammies or a special toy) will cost her 1,000 points. Points are then added - or subtracted - as needed. It is simply amazing how well behaved a girl will be once she passes 500 points! Once she earns her prize, I add a new prize and reset her score to zero again.]
For those who have asked for an example, here is the sort of thing I am talking about:

Saturday, Aug 27:
called me first thing in the morning +5 points
emailed me her diet for the day and current weight +20 points
failed to call at bedtime -5 points

Monday, Aug 29
Answered cell phone while driving -200 points

And lastly (Mostly for the Daddies) open and honest communication. ALWAYS!
As a Man I will be the first to admit that some of us bottle things up or just have a hard time expressing things. But you can never keep your pleasure or displeasure from your little one! Any [newly noticed] action that displeases you greatly will just have to be added to the Punishable List (but don't forget to add things which touch your heart…or other the Good-Girl List too).”

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